Friday, October 30, 2009

The Booze


Townsville Scenes














I'm sorry of it seems like I am going ape with the photos, but I've only had net access at work and have been unable to download any of the pictures I've been taking. There were over 500 on the camera, but I shan't inflict them all on yea.

This is a pretty tree that I saw opposite my eldest sisters new house.

















And this is a little hall-type-building (possibly a church, I am sorry I don't actually know) that I passed on the way to watch one of my nieces perform in the estedford (sp?)

The things girls gotta put up with





Work

my finger looks a bit like it has been ring-barked
i've been using it to twist posters into a tighter roll
like winding a cassette tape

today has a very friday feel to it
which is good because it is friday
but its more than a friday
its like the last day before holidays

i am not much one for swimming pools, but today is very much lazing about with bbqs and swimming pools and maybe even dogs, though i am not much one for dogs either, which is probably why i am envisaging chucking the ball into the pool for the dog to chase - hahahahaha

somebody bring me some sangria, please

Blush

*ahem*
I've been googling the prices of aged wine.

I don't know the names of the wineries etc, so this is only a very very rough guestimate but it would appear that I have quaffed approximately $3,600 dollars worth of booze in the last month or so.

Possibly more.



Possibly quite a lot more.

Pout

Saw an old acquaintance/friend last night. Just briefly. Just a hug and an hello. He smelt so nice. Could not get my brain to function properly after that. It's been months since I've been hugged by a man that smells nice - sigh

He's always thought I am incredibly perceptive under by flibbertigibbet exterior because I gave him a t-shirt that said "I've been a naughty girl, please spank me" before anybody knew of his preferences.

Apparently his mother used to try and pick the 'girl' off with her fingernail - lol

(they'd run out of 'I've been a naughty boy' shirts and it just seemed so appropriate as he was such a stirrer)

Good Morning

'lo it is morning
i greet the day with stumbles and bleary eyes
coffee I mumble then stagger up the slight rise
toward office and a chair
in which to slump and brush hair
slowly waking enough to check what clothes I wear
i find it good that i have thought to don vest
to cover up wrinkled shirt i grabbed when getting dressed

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Observation

a colleague at work has taken to calling me 'vacant' as i am on an unallocated telephone and when i make an internal call the LCD screen names me such

it seems very appropriate of late

Books I would buy again

Books I would buy again if I lost everything -

Barry Hugharts trilogy starting with Bridge of Birds
Lois McMaster Bujold books
George MacDonald Frasers three books about his time in the Highland Regiment
Don Camilo books
(I dont' actually have these now but they are on my list to buy)
Georgette Heyer
Barbara Hambly's Darwarthe (sp?) books
Simon R Greene - excluding DeathStalker Series which I didn't really like much
Mercedes Lackey's Magics Price trilogy
RA MacAvoy
Welcome to Temptation by Jennifer Cruise
ZigZag Street by Nick Earls
Headgames by Nick Earls

Bait on a Hook by Frank Parrish
Swimming to Cambodia by Spalding Grey (or is it Gray?)

Books I might buy again -

Laurell K Hamilton's Anita Blake and Merry Gentry series
Janet Evanovich's Stephen Plum series


mmm still thinking. Might have a look around tonight at home and update this further. Might help me slim my book collection down

I would appear to be rather fond of series of books, rather than stand alone books - I wonder if this indicates repressed soap-opera tendancies?

and now for something complete different ...

Are these not delightful mirrors :) I want one


But which one? That is the question.

Stars and Optimism - Attempt One

Cradled ‘neath starlit sky by lush grass and forgiving ground, I feel like I am floating. I close my eyes and cool night breezes skim over skin, acting like a sedative to over alert senses and strung nerves. Though reluctant to let go of worries of difficult times forseen, I forgive myself this small moment of optimism. Pleasure is a tempting thing, stealing sense whilst exciting them.
pfft - and of course, he incorporates both maze and lighthouse into his post (a post both moving and real and steeped with depth) with ease - possibly a nod to anonymous's comment (although that is probably just me being imaginative, as is my wont) - so now I am both jealous and envious (which is also mostly just me being imagnative, I think I play emotions more than I feel them).

so what did I do yesterday after reading his lighthouse post and the comment that mentions mazes and lighthouses (taking into account I've been trying to bounce my content of his, since nothing much is happening to me at the moment and I therefore have little to inspire me)?

I image googled maze and lighthouse to see what would come up?
gah!
***
But what a lovely idea 'refilling a bookcase' is. I have been imagining it all morning. A genuine requirement for me to rebuy all the books I love. That hunter/gatherer Thrill of finally getting grubby paws on beloved covers. Almost make me want to set fire to my house :)

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Lighthouse

Light for everybody else, but never for me
Inside is as dark as the back of a draw inside a cupboard in a closed room with no windows on a boat lost at sea
Storm tossed and debris strewn
Ever vigilant to save others from ruin
I shine a light out
Soft and guiding
Where’s my lighthouse

(en bah - all i could come up with *shrugs* - poster inventrying is mind numbing)

Also I would like to say

The unrolling, rolling, counting and inventry of old posters has not become more interesting over time.

Lighthouses?

Lighthouses now?
I don't know if I can do anything about lighthouses. Nothing is springing to mind. His was so nice too. I am imagining it as a song, but not imagining music, because I am not at all musical, even if I do sing unremittently and unrelentingly.

Whilst babysitting last night we broke into song, my nieces and I. I have Glee to thank for something. They have sung "Walking on Sunshine" on their show, so we have some songs in common at present.

My youngest niece (11) did air guitar to it and spun around on the floor on her back. Was hilarious and well done. Her older sister looked at her with rolled death eyes for a) being good b) being silly c) for taking the attention away from herself.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Content Warning: probably not at all interesting

There was an article in the Seniors Newspaper about people knitting little beanies for babies for the hospital and that if anybody was interested in donating to call/email a lady for patterns. So another lady at the office and myself are going to have a bash at it. Patterns are in the mail.

A year or two ago I read an article asking for volunteers to learn to smock. It was a small group of people who made and donate to the local hospital little dresses for still-born babies to be buried in. Darn near cried reading the stoopid article, but I can't sow.

Probably the beanie knitting isn't going to work out either, but what the heck, right?

Work today

Today's project
  • slide off rubber band
  • checking what poster is
  • re-rolling poster tighter
  • put rubber band back on
  • write in pencil on back of rolled up poster what it is
  • count and list

AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh

I am Amused

Online training course.

I finished mine quickly. Skim read and passed. Hundred percent in some sections. Will have learnt very little from it because I just don't retain stuff. I need checklists and reference books and practice to be competent at something.

Other lady in office will derive something from the course. Will actually learn and remember and be able to put into practice what she has learnt and go on to be able to problem solve based on what she has learnt. Has failed a section dismally because the questions are worded strangely and she is thinking too hard about her answers.

Argh

Well ... I don't know if anybody inspected me place yesterday or not? There was none of the usual signs. Business Card. Grill door left down. Nasty big stern ticks against the not good enough boxes on the checklist.

They usually come on a Wednesday or Thursday, though I wasn't unhappy with a Monday. Perhaps it was a typo and they meant 28th and not 26th?

I shall have to ring *whimper*

Monday, October 26, 2009

Last Night

I had this sudden urge last night (no I had not been drinking) I had this sudden urge to paper mache a chair.

I have one of those camping chairs - the ones that seems to foldout like a spider, rather than the director's chair type - it was always just a little bit too small for me. Certainly I was too heavy for it. It's not very old at all, but already coming apart at the seams.

I've just been given an old recliner, but was going to keep the other one because Sookie-cat likes it. But then I got to thinking ... I have all this old newspaper and I've been wanting to try papermaching something - why don't I papermache the chair?

And then I thought ... I could papermache a bookcase too. Make that cheap flatpack thing look funky. Like an old tree or something. And then I started thinking, what if I made a bookcase from scratch with papermache! How awesome would that be.

And then ... THEN ... I started thinking, by golly - I only have a dozen bottles of wine left - I think I've given myself brain damage and isn't it a luckily thing I don't have any money until Thursday and am therefore completely unable to buy a bag of flour with which to make glue.

Sudden Insecurity

I am talking everybody to death, aren't I?
I am terribly sorry.
Will attempt something like restraint.
(even though it isn't my middle name)

Guilty Confession: I watched some of that Twilight movie last night at my sisters house and have since borrowed the book off my nieces - which they are terrible pleased about - I am quite enjoying it. I know, I know. Trashy popularist shite. Robert looked very pretty with all that makeup and he did the lean thing, which makes my knees go weak. I can't help it. I have hormones.

Flibbertigibbet

I am taking my theme from somebody elses blog, which is why the rash of skeleton poems. Was having a go at Minotaur on weekend. Very lame attempts.

He spewed cud into his mouth and chewed
strutted up to me on alligator appliqu├ęd hooves
How yoou doing? Don't think I've seen you round before.
Whats say we find somewhere private and you can get to know The Minotaur?
and he hitched his belt buckle with an unnecessary twitch of muscles in his too tight shirt buttoned only half way up his chest.
No wonder he had to get that greek king to pimp for him by chucking girls into the Labyrinth.

See what I mean? Totally lame. And then the other thought that went nowhere was ...

He looked up at me with his big brown eyes from under impossible lashes as he grazed on the hay in my hand. It could never work out between us. We are too different. I shy and retiring and he a minotaur. So I will visit him and care for him. Be a friend (and hope he doesn't end up with some cow).

but wait. There is more. Cause then my mind wandered off to here ...

Mmmmmmm Minotaur. Somewhere between pork and beef with crackling. Pity there is only one of them.

and then I thought - oh god, they are terrible! Maybe I should play with the blood angel.

... and he towered over our weeping bodies
that bloody angel
stained with righteous gore
and one protested
why strike us now?
when you have not before
I was thinking of other things
it deign to reply
It is hard to see the goings on of such small things

So all in all I think it best I abandon these and have a think about caves - lol

Possibly I'd have better results if I had some sort of plan before I start to write, but all I do is find an object or phrase, find another one to go with it and then see where the rhymes take me. Maybe one sentence planned in the whole thing.

I think that is what I always like so much about Glenn Richards songs. There is a mulch of varying ideas, references and word plays buried in them.

Though admittedly the main appeal of one of my favourites Thin Captain Crackers is that he mentions vomiting so delicately. Probably he never has actually woken up by the side of the road after a session. Or perhaps he has? I’ve always felt like I missed out on a lot by not gaining a university education. Still. I would have been at the James Cook Uni if I did and my sister tells me they used to have a rapist who lept out of bushes at girls with a tomahawk, so perhaps best I did not, considering my propensity to attract lunatics.

I found out recently that the park I had been stumbling around in one night after an ill-judged amount of alcohol consumed - and which possibly I might have had a small kip in, I don't really know, I don't remember - has crocodiles.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Saturday Breakfast

I was overly ambitious with my order and they were generous with their serving. I feel like my eyeballs are floating on masticated bacon. I was full before I even got to it, but it was soo nice I could not stop.

My waiter asked if I wanted cracked pepper.
I am shattered.
He very nearly had an australian accent with it too.

The paranoid part of me is now worried he's seen my blog, but of course that is ridiculous and I didn't order eggs benedict this morning after all. Perhaps he thought I only don't like pepper on my eggs benedict and that he should ask.

I had coffee today too instead of the tea I've supped of late. It was half foam, which I did not mind. Sometimes its nice to spoon the foam into ones mouth. Childlike fun.

Fried eggs and bacon and mushrooms and beans.

Beans were odd. Almost sweet. Almost sour. Strange. Not what I am used to in a bean.

I had the place to myself, you see, so I ordered eggs and bacon because I am a very messy eater and place the egg on the side of toast and eat with my hands, dribbling the yolk onto the plate and then mopping it up with the corner of toast that is usually left. Crumbs go everywhere and I invariably end up with yolk on my face. I can only order it if there is nobody around.

Ditto the BLT because they serve it as an open sandwich and the mayo makes everything slippery.

But then the place became distressingly busy. Lucky I'd finished my eggs. I eat the rest with a knife and folk, in case you were worrying about it.

Sooo yummy. When food is good I cannot help but hum a little to myself and tap my feet. Perhaps I dance a little in my chair too. I try to be discrete, but the twirling of the fork and the little spinning swirls I make with the tip of the knife are probably noticable.

I am going to go waddle off to my scooter.

I need to go have a lie down now.Ciao :)

Time Changes Everything

It sat solitary
Polished by wind and rain
As if deep in thought
(though sans brain)

Sometimes a finger bone would twitch and tap
On the rock on which it sat

As time past, dirt and dust
Accumulated within crevices
And weeds sprang up from ground
twisting and twining around

A semblance of form was given
Organic, green and living
And the skeleton decided it had grown as a person

And got up and walked away

Friday, October 23, 2009

I am so Immature sometimes

Ethel* rubs thumb and forefinger together to play smallest violin in the world

Yes. Thank you Ethel. *makes obscene gesture*

(*Ethel is my nasty inner voice)

Ethel says in pretend sobbing voice "i am not sure I remember what a happy Christmas is like" boo hoo hoo

"Shut up Ethel" snaps Sam with death look
"you shut up"
"No you shut up"
"no you shut up"

*Sam and Ethel start fighting and knock over the coffee able and break the vase*

I am a bad person

I made my mother cry.

More than cry, I think. She had already been crying when she called me. Probably had been crying off and on since yesterday evening when she spoke to the eldest. Eldest encouraged mother to have Christmas lunch with her husbands family when she visits.

So ... she was fragile when she called anyway.

Mother reacted to the above encouragement to come to Sister-with-three-children's home for the ceremonial opening of the presents, adjourn to Italian Sister-in-law's home (who loves cooking and dinner parties, but never gets to have them very often and who would die with pleasure to have company for Christmas) for lunch; then go have a nap in the privacy of her hotel room before coming back to one of the sister's places for dinner and drinks by deciding to mother me.

She keeps trying to buy things for me. Big things. Like a new scooter or pay for private health cover etc for me. But mother doesn't do gifts. These are all things that I would be in debt to her for. It's always something I would need to pay back. If I let her do one thing it will snowball until it gets back to her trying to get me to move back in with her again, so she can drag me about like I am a teacup Chihuahua in a handbag.

I girded my loins. I was calm. I was firm. I said no thank you. I didn't want to do anything like that until I had a permanent job. She talked over me. I said no thank you. She said don't be stupid-I'm your mother-why can't I do this for you. I said I'd rather not. She said but Why?! I said I'd rather not. She said but why? I said, I am not going to fight with you about this - I would rather not. There may have been a few more but whys. No is not a word I attempt to say to her very often because she just doesn't hear it. I am easily railroaded.

The silence was deafening. It was like I'd stabbed her. She sounded so broken when she choked out "i have to go now" and hung-up.

It was 7:30 pm. I didn't even drink this time, which is a more usual reaction to chats with mother. I just went to bed and pulled the blanket over my head like I used to when I was hiding from the monsters in the cupboard.

Today I cannot help but ponder upon what will happen next. One possiblity is that she is going to not come at Christmas. If she does come, it will not be a happy Christmas.

I am not sure I remember what a happy Christmas is like.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Well I 'm glad you asked

I have a skeleton in my pocket
I won’t throw it away
Maybe it will come in handy someday?

A purpose might pop up
For which it would be key
To have a pocket sized skeleton on hand, you see

And its not as if one stumbles across one every day
so conveniently sized for tucking away
I’m sure I’ll find a use for it someday

Boney

I dreamt I was a skeleton
My bones an ivory hue
I was sleepily curled up in bed with you
And there were indents in your flesh
Where I’d wrapped my radius around your chest
And just as I was about to whisper my love of you in breathless sigh
You complained my patella was digging into your thigh

Playing

… and the bones jangle and leap before my eyes, in my dream I think “that’s what comes of exercise”. Though they gleam pretty all starlit and clean, still I rather flesh for canoodling. The Skelton continues its solitary shamble in dead imitation of a jaunty gambol, and dances, and prances with lover like glances from absent eyeballs. I imagine its silent cooing calls of sweet nothings to reluctant ears. It just wouldn’t work, I say, it would all end in tears, but the bones continue their rhythmic rattle in ignorance of my defensive prattle, because skeletons don’t have ears.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Is there a Queen song for every occasion?

and another blogger bites the dust - Sparsely Kate is closing down

all this ceasing of chatter is causing me
to babble incontinently
into the ether to make up for the lack
or slack
or perhaps sloughing of needless things

but what is there left for me to cling?
and clutch and cluck
distracting
from my own reason for needing to throw words adrift

well. shit.

Temporary Post - COB

This is only up temporarily as I feel a little bad about putting somebodies photo up without permission (even though it was in the newspaper) - this is the french waiter :)

*photo present momentarily and then gone*

Where does she get this from?

My delightful 11 year old niece's latest things is to ask "What's your zombie plan?"

Upon response of 'huh?'

She quotes "There are only two kinds of people in the world. Those that have zombie plans and those that don't. We like to call them dinner."

shoot me now

oh my giddy aunt is there anything more mindnumbing than an online course on purchasing and financial delegation?

they are even trying to be interactive with a picture of a pyramid that you click on to turn the sides and containing little headings that you have to hover your mouse over to read a floating text box that comes up

possibly it would be interesting and informative if somebody pumped me full of drugs first? eg:

ooo look! a pretty box
now its gone :(
now its back :)
now its gone :(
now its back :)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

On the subject of bookcases

*insert drooling homer gargle*















toes dust

you may have guessed it is a slow day today

Probably it is just me ...

Probably it is just me, but it amused me that we have covered wagon tours

"Horseshoe B Longhorns - Texas Longhorn Wagon Tours. Situated just 10 kilometres from Charters Towers and 2009 North Queensland Tourism Award winner.

Join them on a horse drawn western canvas covered wagon ride and see the largest herd of purebred Texas Longhorns in the country; direct descendents of the 'wild west' cattle that walked the great cattle drives from Texas to Kansas, Montana and other northern markets in the late 1800's.

On the wagon ride you will see magnificent trophy steers as well as the longest horned Texas Longhorn steer in Australia. The wagon ride also gives people a chance to see kangaroos and other native animals from the back of the covered wagon while travelling quietly through the bush drawn by a pair of magnificent 'gentle giant' draft horses; you will also learn some of the interesting history of these famous cattle.

Before the wagon ride enjoy a hearty 'bush smoko' at the Leahton Park homestead then join renowned saddle maker Michael Bethel on a demo/tour of the Bethel Saddle custom saddle shop. There is nowhere else in Australia that you can do this - a truly unique experience."

Chairs

So. Inspired by yesterday I google chairs. These are all quite interesting.
This one is awesome, hey? One can never have too many bookcases. This would go nicely with the bookcase staircase i've seen elsewhere on the net.


oh these are soo cute!



ooo ooo ooo tempted




But overall, the chair I like best is still a papasan

That woke me up - lol

oh my stars

Monday, October 19, 2009

Amused

Young man at the office has just come back from a trip overseas and is rather taken with these - Utilikilts

I definately think he should get one :)

In fact I wouldn't mind one myself

Decisions Decisions

There was some discussion of beds and bedrooms on The Projectivists Blog which lead me to google beds I might like.


















... and not a bed, but funky as :)


Friday, October 16, 2009

I am going to sneeze now, okay?

the lady who shares an office with me
feels the need to declare when she is about to sneeze
and even when it comes on suddenly
still attempts to warn out of courtesy
thou sometimes it can be a little hard to understand
when she sneezes her words into her hand

Googling more Shel Silverstein

The Toucan

Tell me who can
Catch a toucan?
Lou can.

Just how few can
Ride the toucan?
Two can.

What kind of goo can
Stick you to the toucan?
Glue can.

Who can write some
More about the toucan?
You can!


No shel, no I can’t
She said reading the last line askant
And refraining from lapsing into rant
Explains pained
The only other rhyme that comes to mind for toucan
Is fuckin’
So I sharn’t

Googling Death Poems

So this other blog I read have a poetry post on fridays. Todays was a death poem. Decided to google death poems, cause I quite liked bits of the one that was up. Got this:

Loser by Shel Silverstein

Mama said I'd lose my head
If it wasn't fastened on.
Today I guess it wasn't
'Cause while playing with my cousin
It fell off and rolled away
And now its gone.
And I can't look for it
'Cause my eyes are in it,
And I can't call to it
'Cause my mouth is on it
(Couldn't hear me anyway
'Cause my ears are on it),
Can't even think about it
'Cause my brain is in it.
So I guess I'll sit down
On this rock
And rest for just a minute

which I quite like but, as you might rightly point out, does not appear to be about death *shrugs* go figure? Who am I to question google?

... oh and did I mention?

The evening before the 'ride to work day' my mother telephoned to try and talk me out of participating, because riding on the road is dangerous.

I am going to be 38 in another 50 or few days.
Do you suppose she is ever going to stop doing this to me?

Lucky it wasn't an after dark activity. She doesn't seem to think I should leave the house after dark unless I am with a group of family or friends.

Watching the world go by

am finding it interesting to observe how the trail of blood on sidewalk on way to work is weathering. could just as easily be drops of spilt milkshake or something now. was expecting at least a token effort to hose it away, but no.

wish i'd taken a photo monday while it was still fresh
didn't have my camera with me :)

Unformed Idea

I haven't fully thought this out but an idea has just popped into my head for a cartoon.

Jesus - second coming - cynical city person doesn't believe - Jesus turns water into perfect latte - city person bowed down before him on knees with word bubble saying "Messiah"

i am too lazy to actually draw it out
probably it has already been done before anyway

Thinkin' stuff

  • Feel like death warmed over. Did I mistakenly take something other than my nightly nurofen last night? (take three neurofin before going to bed every night, as arthritis is worst in mornings)
  • Had no work shirts left this morning, so am wearing uniform shirt from previous job with vest to cover up logo.
  • Must remember to call to get gas reconnected. I am sick of sandwiches and tinned things.
  • Must remember to book scooter in for desperately needed service.
  • Have inspection coming up and must must must clean.
  • Am up to Page 35 of "And Another Thing" by Eoin Colfer allegedly part six of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and I kind of hate it.
  • Woman at work is telling me how much she loved that travesty of a movie that they made of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, of which the only good thing was the opening musical number.
  • woman who gifted bicycle coming to unjam the chain this evening - perhaps should try and tidy the loungeroom a little just in case she gets a peek in?
  • Oh fuck! what if she needs to wash her hands after? I need to mop the kitchen floor and put the rubbish out too!
  • And I'll need to air it out and put the kitty litter elsewhere and lock the cats in the other half of the house so that i can open the windows
  • aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrgh!

Scooter booked in. In past have had a months wait, but is booked for next wednesday. had not actually budgeted for scooter service this pay week.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Good Afternoon

chicken laksa for lunch
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
it is a beautiful day outside
32 degrees
non-humid
a hint of dust in the air
gives a summer haze to the day

i should be in my hammock with a long island iced tea or a blowed-up tire floating in a pool or snuggled up with someone cuddly on a blanket in a park

I am in a terribly cuddly mood today

(though feel I should specify this is not action cuddling - snuggly cuddling I am talking about here - where one snoozes with ones face nuzzled into the join of neck and shoulder)

if some passing godlike being could just turn me into a cat for the day and I would be content

Good Morning

Good Morning my cherubs, she sang out insufferably cheerily, I slept in until 7:30 this morning and feel rather wonderful

Well ... when I say slept in I mean that I woke up at 6 am and then shoved my head under the pillow again until I felt like getting out of bed, which I think is even better than actually sleeping. Awake but sleepy leaves me able to daydream vividly but maintain control and I had lovely snuggly daydreams.

when cats are feeling super affectionate and cuddly, they seem to be able to make their fur softer and fluffier. As if to invite touch. That's what my skin feels like this morning (at least, in my head it does). I feel like I could purr.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

this makes me feel better :)


Maybe I won't delete Dan Kelly from myspace again afterall

Ride to Work Day

I have been not looking forward to this and whinging, but also looking forward to having done it. My agreeance to subject myself to this torture amused me and I felt I would deserve the pain.

I slept in. Flung myself from bed at 6:24 fed cats, grabbed clothes and without stopping to brush teeth lept aboard bike and took off. The cats were bewildered and scared at this strange aberation from routine.

I get to end of street and realise it is rubbish collection day and that I have a full (and stinking) bin that I have forgotten to put out.

Cursing I return, deposit bin on kerb at sprint, bound aboard bike again and wobble off for my 6 kilometre ride to work. Don't even get to end of street. Am changing gears and the chain comes off. I haven't ridden regularly since high school which is a good twenty-five years ago. Cudgel brain for how to do this again. Vague memory of it being relatively straightforward. Chain is jammed between cog and bike frame. I pull. I tug. I put foot to frame and lean back with my sadly considerable weight. It does not budge. My hands are black with grease.

I walk bike home. I see if I can lever chain out with spoon lying on outdoor table. Spoon bends.

Contemplate faking car accident by flinging myself from top of stairs, but live in lowset house.

Scooter to work and go have breakfast at cafe and console myself with loose leaf tea, whilst shuddering inwardly at the thought that I am probably going to have to ride to work for a week to prove to my co-workers that I am not a piker.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

New Resolutions

This is not entirely fueled by the rather nice red wine my brother-in-law presented me with a glass of before leaving for basketball - after a small pray of gratitude for what we were about to receive dedicated to my other sister that gave us the crates of aged wine upon her pregnancy and decision that she isn't a drinker anymore since she is going to be breastfeeding after this and it really needs drinking now because it is just going off - nectar from the gods - i am fast approaching alcoholism if I were not there already.

What was I saying?

Oh yes ... I am giving up on this getting into shape for my fortieth birthday lark and making myself fit for potential frolicking with members of the opposite sex. Screw it. I shall continue to attempt to accustom myself with the bicycle because it is kind of pleasant and also a cheap form of transport, but other than that - I say to heck with it. I have come to realise from my many musings on the subject of late that I can't even imagine living with somebody else. Or of actually mopping the floor on a regular basis. I think I am far to stuck in my ways.

I am going to buy a vibrator on the weekend and plant a herb garden instead.

I am totally not having children

but this is just beautiful though

Drifting thoughts

last night thoughts drifted to play with wondering what it would be like to live with somebody - as a couple - I never have, you see, and apart from when i still lived at home with my stepfather and younger brother i don't have much to base imaginings on - i used to spend most of my time in my bedroom reading anyway - i've never had male friends (though i have now with some internet people, but they are not people i am physically mixing with so ordinary interaction still eludes me)

i am trying to remember and am coming up lacking

there was dinner time, of course, but dinner was such a formallised afair (though not formal) - ritual phrases, nodding and agreeing (as was ones unwritten role) and the nagging ... o the nagging

i imagined somebody who whilst agreeing i needed to exercise, did not ask if i had done anything that day, or remarking on the tightening fit of my clothes (as i have heard in other couples) - instead he would take me for a walk every evening - no talk of current affairs or ones day at work - no necessity to think and interact - just hands held and gentle stroll - it was cold and we had coats on and I snuggled in to his side because I am a wimp and hate the cold and there weren't lots of street lights and I think we were near a park

i say take, because there is always going to be an element of reluctance on my part because i don't and never have enjoyed exercise and mostly walking bores me

and really ... who is going to want to do that?

probably both of us would be better off getting a dog

he would get dependable unconditional affection and attention and for me i'd be taking the poor thing for a walk out of a sense of guilt - guilt for my slackness is a solid tried and true tested motivator

i don't think the cats would like having a dog around
i am not sure i like dogs that much either
goats are kind of funky though
i wonder if you need a goat licence?
one of my sisters has been talking about getting a pet goat

Night Visions

What level have I sunk too when I sprint in dead of night grabbing clothing by feel in the dark to respond to my cats siren call to come dispell intruding felines for him?

Three times last night. Some young fluffy ginger thing.

Got to see a bat come in to land on a branch of a small tree, planted on the opposite sidewalk, land just a little too hard and break the branch. I'd seen broken branches there before and blamed passing feral children. It fell tangled and indignified to the ground before flunging itself back airborne and away from the scene of its humiliation - lol.

I had thought the white part-persian cat, which had been disputing with a tabby male in the common battle ground of the deserted house next door, was gone. Things have been quiet. But I saw him walking down the middle of the street last night like a king. Guess I know who won now.

I wish I had a infra-red vision camera to record the goings on outside my little duplex of a night. I squirm with curiousity :)

Monday, October 12, 2009

Pretty

Trying to recreate the google search that gave me my bus, I found this
I may use it next time I change my header
'spretty

Roaming Attention

Thrush; better in the hand than the bush?
Can you get thrush in the hand?
I know you can get it in your digestive system
*googles*
nope
not in the hand
but potentially on the nipples if breastfeeding
eeeeeppppppp - soo totally never having children

still a nice distraction from the indignity of applying yoghurt to ones nether-regions

Edit: potentially amusing situation if lived in share house and somebody else ate the yoghurt - reminiscent of that scene with the jam in Bachelor Kisses

Edit Edit: although they had a lot more fun arriving at that situation then one would with mine

Voyeurism

work is slow and i find myself endlessly flicking flicking flicking a circuit of pages no doubt sending statscounters haywire but it is very hard to stop myself when i am rewarded with updated entries or ones posted that than disappear and if i hadn't been there i'd not have seen them and it gives me a little thrill to have glimpsed a thought then retracted like a drunken confession one is sworn to keep secret except they don't know that you know what they told and than took back and I don't know why they took it back or what it meant anyway which has taken me a little off topic which was to say i am feeling a little bit bored today

Goodbyes

Blossom is a sad tabby cat Monday mornings.

After a weekend of cuddles, pats and company; when I leave the house to go to work he rushes to the window overlooking the carport and makes mournful meows at me as I don helmet and back scooter out.

It's not quite so marked on other mornings. It is only Mondays that break his heart.

Dreams last night were of sad goodbyes at airports. I was leaving and would not seeing him again for a long time or if ever. Guiltily I confess, I rather enjoyed the desperate clutch and near to tears kisses. Perhaps one day my imagination will gift me with a face for this amorphous man who was wishing I wasn't going, but perhaps it is better this way. If it put a face I knew to him it would put me to the blush.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Saturday Breakfast

Perhaps I should have said yes to the pepper?
Not all the time, but just now and then?

The delightful french boy has remembered I don't have pepper on my eggs benedict, so I did not get to hear him say 'crack-ed pepper' this morning.

He did however ask a group of people if they wanted a table in the shadow. Woman said 'yes i would like to sit in the shade'. She and her two companions then sat forcfully stoic until he was out of earshot and then had themselves a giggle.

I wanted to throw my parsley at them.

I am a greedy hedionistic woman with no self control and appear to be making a determined dent into the four dozen bottles of wine my sister offloaded onto me now that she isn't drinking anymore, much to the detriment of my health. My bones protest, but my tastebuds say YES. Something red and wonderful last night. The label has come off so I can't tell you want it is, other than nectar of the gods.

I am not presenting well on a Saturday morning. Unwashed untidy hair. Heavy hungover eyes. I don't know why the french boy smiles so nicely to me, but I am glad he does *sigh*

I had the oddest dream the other week. I wasn't going to tell anybody, but anyway. Dan Kelly was in it. I think because I was looking forward to the alleged blogging of the album recording. Have read the tour diary he wrote when he was travelling with Holly Throsby and it was very funny and I have been so bored lately.

Anyway, in the dream DK was going to be performing at the civic theatre. It was not specified in the dream whether it was Paul Kelly performing and DK was in the band or not, but anyway - point being he was going to be in Townsville.

In the dream he messages me on myspace to go buy them all fish and chips and bring it to the civic theatre. Phone numbers are exchanged. Whilst I am at the fish and chip shop he txts to get calamari too. I snarkily txt back do you want bugs as well? The response is yes. I am cranky at having to spend so much money on them and being asked to 'fetch', but put that aside and get some pineapple rings too, for dessert, as a nice gesture.

A very awkward bundle to try and carry to the civic theatre on my scooter. Some packets fit into the storage compartment under the seat, but the rest I am having to put in one of thos green canvas environmentally friendly bags and sling across my back. It is a hot, painful, uncomfortable trip.

So I bring them and go to the box office area and they aren't letting me in, of course, thinking me a mad stalker or something. I txt DK and he says to bring them round the back. pfft. So then I have to trudge all the way round the back. I am being all repressed cranky. Somebody lets me in and I deliver the fish and chips and everybody tucks in and I am mostly ignored cause they are talking about set up stuff/etc AND NOBODY EATS THE PINEAPPLE RINGS. The bastards!

The End

Friday, October 9, 2009

Draft and unfinished

This is the Night Email crossing your portal
From distant relatives, close friends, wedding gossip and chortles
Spewing lolls wtfs and omg though an electronic maze
Of servers and wires 24/7 days
I cursorily ponder past contained things missing
From this modern form of communicating,
like apostrophes, grammar and perhaps a brain
Before sentences were started and put in train
Where once a first draft and critical eye
Were cast o’er letter before sealed, sent and espied
Instead are now drunkenly texted from where’er able
Be it home, work, parks, cars or toilet cubicles


I am out of practice d'oh - it seemed like a good idea at the time - perhaps I shall have a go at this tomorrow? though probably not :D

i wanted to try and work in something about at least with emails you don't have to worry if somebody has washed their hands before sending a letter/missive - but I am just not in the zone.

Friday

It's Friday. I left the house early and visited cafe for eggs benedict and tea. Very civilised start to the day, if one can block out the pre-leaving-house routine of scooping cat-poop from litter trays. If I were any more relaxed I would be comatose.

There are so many things I should do this weekend, but fear I will probably spend the days sleeping and hanging in the hammock instead.

*yawn*

Just can't get excited about anything at the moment.

Perhaps that is good. Perhaps in consequence I shall be ruthless sorting though my belongings and throw lots of stuff out so that I can actually achieve something close to neatness which would have a positive effect on my cleanliness (much easier to sweep when you can see the floor)

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Failed Comprehension Tests

I used to fail comprehension tests at school.

I don't recall now whether I read too much into text or if it was a memory issue or just my overactive imagination, but obviously it is an ongoing weakness, because when I read Dan Kelly's missive on his site "I intend to blog the whole thing" when informing his public he was heading off to start recording his new album, I thought this meant he was going to blog the whole thing ... and post it on his site. *slaps self in forehead* How stoopid of me. My personal failings rearing their ugly head and waggle their bum in my direction.

*sigh*
oh well, at least i can read clocks now.
that's good, right?
i can juggle too
a bit
and i can balance a water bottle on my nose ... if i stuff a couple of pens up my nostrils (photos of that were on an old blog - got the photo around somewhere)

Edit: found it

oy vey


O - M - G

the woman i share an office with has just said Armageddon is her favourite movie and that she cries everytime she watches it

Edit: okay, she has qualified her statement - she says it is her favourite disaster movie - i shall hold off on throwing rotten vegetable matter at her

In the Eye

lady in office discoursing regarding boys in skinny jeans not pulling their pants up enough, leaving them with a baggy, full-nappy-esque effect

subject arrived at from casual comment of mine regarding a person being gorgeous - she asked if i meant my gorgeous or her gorgeous (she has previously rubbished my preference for big brown eyes)

my stance - interesting face and personality (eg Steve Buscemi)
her stance - arse; gorgeous to her is good body and a face that doesn't require a paper bag (eg Vin Diesel)

i don't care so much about the body side of things, possibly partially because i don't feel i am in a position to throw stones - perhaps after i tone up, lose 30 kilo and actually remember to brush my hair before i leave the house - perhaps then i might feel i can demand beautiful eyes, good personality and buns of steel

though really ... everybody gets old and wrinkly - bodies fall apart - seems silly to get attached

Dum de dum de da

Nobody is saying nothing
Nobody is listening
Nobody should stop muttering to themself and get out more

Monday, October 5, 2009

Only worry if you get an answer

I mutter to myself in grocery stores (more than mutter perhaps even).

It’s a running dialogue. Do I want this? Should I get that? I know I want it, but do I need it?

And I answer myself.

You only want it, you don’t need it. You’re supposed to be saving, but fuck it, ey? And I buy it anyway.

Other times I say to myself, i say ‘my middle name is potentially restraint’. Originally I said ‘your middle name is restraint’ but since it isn’t, it felt kind of like I was lying, but potentially my middle name could be restraint because I could change it with Births, Deaths and Marriages, so then it isn’t entirely a fib and I wonder if I really changed my middle name to restraint whether it would be more effective, because at this point it doesn’t work very well.

Sometimes after an involved argument with myself I realise I have forgotten to look around first to see if there are witnesses within hearing range.

Wonderful

and he's changed the name of his blog back
and there are words again
though not many
but still a picture
though not sticking to rule of hand

and its all oblique
or perhaps i am just not bright today
or just not in the know
and therefore what seems obscure to me is perfectly understandable to others

and i wonder if he minds that i use a possessive when referring to him and his blog? does anybody else? when i talk of you to others, or even to myself, you are my bloggers, my favourite blog, my hell boy, my kettle, my projectivist, my favourite band and other times, when i am particularly impressed with you I grow more formal in homage, Mister Squires, Ma'am Squib, Madame Projectivist

is it a thing of childhood - my school, my bag - that should have been left behind?

I shall ruminate on my habit of exclaiming out loud and talking to the blog posts another time :) (eg. where the bloody hell are you going with this one Georgie, before i hit the link to jump to the rest of the story)

Update

I fear to check my bank balance. I am supposed to be saving. I bought a spade and a hoe and some plants and have been digging inbetwixt resting and generally making a mess. Lots of fun :)

Note to self: buy garbage bags for all the weeds and dug up grass.

I have been given a bicycle but I've not really ridden it yet.

I planned to ride it home after my sister dropped me off to pick it up, but she looked doubtfully at me when I imparted my plan to her and instead offerred to ride it back for me, unless it had easy release wheels, which it did, so we loaded it into the boot instead along with my sadly punctured bravado.

I shall be brave. I shall ride it every night this week to the shops and back until I get used to the cross bar and the casual humiliation of having to hop on one leg until the bike is lent over enough for me to get off, since I can't swing my leg over the damn cross bar and there is a basket on the back preventing me from going from that direction.

Friday, October 2, 2009

I've made Plans

I shall have a full weekend.

Somebody mentioned that 'Little Birdy' were playing tonight, so I have purchased a ticket.

Tomorrow my sister and I visit Bunnings to buy me a shovel. Somebody from work is giving - i repeat giving - me a pushbike. My sister will drop me off at midday and I shall attempt to ride the thing home. It will take a while. I may have a heart attack. But if I live, I might go to the Kite Festival at the Strand.

Sunday morning I am going to a movie with a couple of people from work.

When am I going to find time to read the latest Terry Pratchett book?

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Draft - Needs work

I lie down
Curled in bean bag
Arm cuddled round

There is no room for you
You sit in the chair
Companionably place your hand on my hair

It is nearly night
We do not break the quiet
To speak would invite spite

Together too long
Communication only leads to boredom

But when silence rules
Irritation with repetition ebbs
Letting bodies relax into familiar grooves
And habits long established
Of comfort and care
Like curling up close by your chair
While you rest your hand on my hair

Hello :)

My first coffee in three days is spinning me out and away. Suddenly, I can feel my eyeballs again and my brain is finally functioning. Yesterdays migraine but a memory, as bonhomie washes over me for my fellow man and fallow women (I work in an office of older persons) and indeed, it can even be said, I am actually feeling fond of the ugly carpet made up of mottled blues and greys, now the fog of weary disinterest has drained away. I could almost sing.
*happy sigh*
Coffee is a wonderful thing :)