Second confession ...

 ... my beautiful favourite band Augie March have release a cd of songs recorded live, which I have bought both physically and digitally and maddeningly also vinyly - even though I do not possess a record player. 

I also bought the vinyl version of the rerelease of Sunset Studies because it looks like a lolly.

I am an idiot.

I am going out tomorrow to look at record players.

I still kind of want to lick it.

I should confess ...

 ... in regards to the brown sofa.  I fully meant to buy something completely different.  I was in fact going to buy a purpleish fake velvet patchwork fainting couch.  I looked numerous times.  I struggled at the thought of spending large amounts of money. I lusted.  I visited the shop multiple times.  I eventually, actually spoke to someone who worked there.  I said I'd come back next week. Felt ill at the thought of spending large amounts of money

I came back the next week, ish. Loins girded to outlay large sums of money.

Spoke to the same lady and apologised for interrupting her lunch and bathroom break from last time. I said I was ready to buy the Chaise Lounge now. Got distracted by my own story of my father passing away and probate and being able to buy a sofa for the first time in 20 years etc.  Caught up in saleslady's own feelings of being moved and slight teary eye-ed-ness and rough voiced move-ed-ness.

Thought it seemed a bit more expensive, but figured I'd missed out on the boxing day sales due to delays at being unable to commit to large outlays of money and speaking to strangers etc.  

However, remained troubled, so looked at the receipt when I came home.  

Had bought a completely different sofa.

It is an infinitely more sensible sofa.  

Even though it is a bit too big for my loungeroom.  

The cats like it.

(not sexy dark purple fake velvet though, sigh)

... sigh .... 2020

 Really, this is an unspeakable  year.   

My father passed away.  My other sister has cancer and is doing chemo ( thou ovarian cancer caught early, which is actually awesome, because you don't normally get to catch it early - so actually probablly great)

There have been other gastly things which I've obviously blocked from my memory cause I can't remember them off the top of my head.

One of my musician crushes passed away a few days ago and I only found out this afternoon. 

He once passed unnecessarily closely to my chair at a gig in Brisbane and I got to leer at his rear from an inch away, and then proceded to say sexually inappropriate things on line *smacks wrist bad sammy*.  One of a handful of people whom my occasionally unruly hormones and enthusiasms inspired me to fly for to see.  I even went out in Townsville, where I never feel particularly safe to be inebriated on my own.

RIP Mike Noga

Ps. Could all the other people I adore please take very good care of themselves for at least the next six months.  I'm usually pretty resilient,  but this year is testing me.

I shouldn't be spending money but,...

.... shoud be my new ongoing title but, ... i couldn't resist!

An elder gentleman was selling paintings outside the local IGA.

He said he didn't sign his name because once he'd sold it, it belonged to me.

R

I confess!

I wasn't supposed to be spending money this week, but ...

It is such a cute little painting and goes so well with the little cat lamp my brother gave me for Christmas.

Oh me, oh my ....

I have gained an overly chatty neighbour who has put my lack of enthusiastic response to the invite to come watch a movie with him sometime to offence at 'implied' cracking onto.

Extra implied 'as if!'.

I am not a social person.
I have been very polite.

He was supposed to fence his dog in, as it was not a dog friendly rental.
My cat had been missing two days.
(He is back now)
I am working twice my usual hours because someone is off sick for May.

He seems to be reacting to the concept of 'duplex' like others might to share house.

It is not a share house.

He keeps offering to do stuff for me.
I know i am messy and useless,  but i don't want people to do stuff for me!
I want to do it or nothing!

And i like it messy!!!
I feel so more secure!
Like I've left boobie-traps to ensnare trespassers .
If only there were a fence!

He is in his seventies or so, and obviously not used to living a single life, but ...

... but ....

... secretly ...

... secretly, I  wish I  were a serial killer and knew how to hide bodies, sigh.

On weekends when I work alone I speak to at least 150 people face to face.
I would take calls from probably twice that.
After shallow unrewarding potentially antagonistic interactions with 450 people in 7 hours, i REALLY don't want to see, talk, integrate with a living soul wot is not a cat.

I don't think it is unreasonable to expect my neighbour and his rather lovely elderly dog wot I am already sneaking treats too, to stay on their own side.

I am trying to wrack my brians of elderly patients who might want a man.
He has had a knee replacement, so he probably could dance?

It was a bargin!

Have been lecturing myself for the last two weeks about the need to get a grip and do some serious saving for a while.

And then ... sigh.

The ever fabulous Margaret Crawford went and made the gorgeous little bunny mug and my steely resolve crumbled before it even got to flash its colours.

Big Red Button ...

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow.
I booked it the week before last.
I am a bit phobic about dentists.

And a lot phobic about sharp objects near or in my mouth.

I fully intended to scour the diseased and rotting remnants of keratin mascarading as teeth to within an inch of their lives and swilling salt water and mouthwash with careful abandon, but my self destructive crazy inner evil overlord over ruled thoughtful forethought and i believe i have behaved in an even more irresponsible manner than i normally do, which is saying something considering lately.

I wonder how much the cancellation fee is?
$50 would be totally worth it.
I am perfectly happy to pay money to not go to the dentist.

However, the lady who works for the physio would totally not let me get away with it.

It is a shared office and she sits right next too the dentist office admin and the physio appointment is right after the dentist appointment.

She would crucify me.
Annd probably make tutting noises.

Alternatively, i could get my sister to call work and tell them i died and become homeless as an unemployed madcat lady and take up smoking to go with the drinking and move into the empty city centre and bathe occasionally in the river whilst keeping an eagle eye out for the crocodiles that infrequently frequent the urban waters.

The dentist and physio and pathology is in the building next too our medical centre and share a car park and the nice pathology ladies pick up samples from us on a  regular basis.  I get blood tests on a monthly basis.

I am, to use a perfectly sensible though somewhat crude phrase, shitting in my own nest.

Argh!

I don't really want to see the physio either.
Not much one can do in a week exercise wise and i have no idea what tomorrows appointment is supposed to achieve/do?

Excuse me ... i need to go clean my teeth again.

Maybe I should brush with Ajax?

Embarrassed blush ...

Two beautiful young men just showed up at my place to spruik the McGrath Foundation and raise funds.

I am one of those people who think nothing is bothering them until one word sets off a gush of tears and wailing.

Sadly, it happened during the ever so pretty young handsome man's speech.

I hope I haven't totalled their day.

Did my best to tell them they were doing good work etc, but am like a sobbing three year old when I cry.  All heaving sobs and shuddering breathes.

Poor boys.

Sister is infact, very well considering.
They have decided can skip surgery and go straight to radiotherapy .

Everybody in the family is letting their hair grow back now.

Mother is due to arrive saturday.
Hopefully for only two weeks.

Dad is in hospital in Melbourne with some kind of skin infection on his legs and heart ussues. My sister assures me he is safe to ring cause he is very confused and can only speak for about five minutes at a time.

Dad is notorious for his long winded conversations/monologues which frequently feature stories from his days of working as a taxi driver.

Have not been able to stand tbe smell of rum since.

Did twelve bags of shredding at work yesterday.
A paperless office still involves an aweful lot of shredding.

Sad to only feel like one has managed to do something constructive by destroying something.

Oopsy

My eldest sister gifted me with desexing for my invading and persistent small fluffy orange cat.

However, it may have come too late for Suki, who is looking plump and bulging.

I can't be cross.
I'd love to have a couple of kittens to inject a little life into my household.

Not at all sensible though, but too late to quibble.

And a good solid reason to encourage myself to clean out the cupboard and mop and dust the bedrrom, which I've been having difficulties making myself do.

Had Friday off.
Had to get up early and have the scooter in for service by 8.
Walked to my sisters and then fell asleep until 11.30.
Picked up scooter and went home and then fell asleep again until 5 or 6.
Then was asleep again by 10.
One would think I were 90 not 40!!!

Will have three whole days off in a row next week and have high hopes of getting stuck into housework, gardening and spending quality time with the Bokkie-cat who has been quite desperate too play tiggy in the backyard.

Unless Suki chooses next weekend to pop.

How nice if they were fluffy too.
Tabby fluffy by preference.

I am a sucker for a plain old tabbycat.

I sound like ...

... a nagging fishwife, as I scold Bokkie.

What kind of time do you call this? I say at 5.30 pm.
I came home early especially to spend some quality time with you and you weren't here.

I called and I called and I called.
Where were you! You have another family, don't you!  I accuse.
You've found someone with airconditioning, I suppose.

I feed him a snack.
It is too early for dinner.
He gives my hand a nice little face rub and eats, as I stand with crossed arms and scowlling.  Occasionally muttering discontentedly.

He finishes his snack and does his little musical thrill for attention.
I ask if he wants to come down?
(His feeding bowl is atop the old fridge I have yet to organise to be taken away).
He indicates he maybe wants to go out.

No way!
You just got here!
I haven't seen you all day!

I stand in front of the screen door with arms and legs spread to block it.
Nonononono.
No.
You can come to the bed and thats it.

Also ...

I went for my two yearly eye check Thursday.

I was stressing cause my eyes feel more blurred than usual and I wasn't sure if it was the psoriatic arthritis, which can effect the eyes, or the medication, which can cause blurred vision, or just time and age.

It was only after, when I was picking out frames, I realised my shirt was on inside out.

I've been sick ...

Proper sick.
Food poisoning!
From bacon!!

I may never be able to eat bacon again.

It's a TRAGEDY!!!

So ... i was lying on my bed. Not feeling to good after my late night snack of bacon on toast, when began to know that things were not going well in the digestion department. In fact, i decided that i thought that i might be about to commence being sick.

The bathroom is at the other end of the house and i began to feel also perhaps too darn far away.

I looked about me and noted a handy flexible bucket style container that could be rapidly emptied and did so with a promptness rewarded with the rapid refilling of said container with watery, bready soup and what i would have been proud to call finely diced bacon if i had done so by hand.

All well and good and not a bad thing because one always feels so much better just after a spew, however ...

... unfortunately ...

I am one of those people who sometimes (well frequently) faint if i vomit in an upright position.

So the next thing i am aware of is that beautific feeling of ultimate relaxation and warmth that one has (or at least i do) when waking from passing out (or anthesthetic), then i remembered what i had been doing prior to this and realise i have just been snuggling down into a pool of my own vomit.

Sigh.

It was a massive regurgitation.  A puddle over a metre square.

A new year ...

I am feeling unreasonably sad.

Can only put it down to the stress of so much family time.
I am used to a lot more alone time than I am getting.

Bad thoughts tend to drift through my mind when I am scootering at the best of times, but have been crying by the time I've reached work every day this week.

Probably a good thing it was a short week for me, hey?

Was nearly starting to feel human again with the new medication and forced healthy living (not supposed to drink on methotrexate) but my willpower has erroded over the month in the face of daily offers of drinks, even though I  asked them not to.  I can only say no so many times, before it changes to 'just the one', to 'Hell YES! Liqour me up'.  Do you think they'll  stop offering me drinks when i turn yellow with liver/kidney failure? No it would be my fault for not saying no.

It will be very good when the parent goes and I only see my family for an hour or so or less once a week, sigh.

Good news is there is a definate date now.
8 January.

Concerned 2017 is going to be as 'not good' as 2016 and 2015.
What if mother going home is the highlight of the year?

No.
I vow to do/have/experience something better than just the absence of my mother this year!

I will plant at least one garden bed- if it ever rains and takes us off level 3 (soon to be level 4) water restrictions, damnit.

I will look for a new job!

I will tidy up and organise my home so that it is actually comfortable and not just spend all my spare time in bed feeling a bit crap.

Of course, if I win lotto this week it would make all this a great deal easier and I wouldn't  have to look for work at all, which would be very nice, at least for a while.

Cheers *clinks wine glass*


Edit: taint all doom and gloom. Beat my stepfather at backgammon four times in a row today with some crazy multiple throws of doubles. Five in a row!

D'oh ...

... was doing okay today until just after lunch when my brain suddenly fused and I came over all tired.

Left work at three.

In my head I indicated left to pullout and put the car into drive. In reality, I indicated right (back to the kerb) and put the car into reverse.

Luckily the hand break was still on.

On a side note ...

... so carried away with happiness at actually getting two days off in a row, for the first time in months, and after a particularly stressful couple of weeks, I failed to pay due and proper attention to my roster beyond the public holiday and in conjunction with an unreliable phone failed to remember, or be properly alerted in time to my omission - I was supposed to start at 9 am today, instead of my normal 1pm.

Oopsy!

However, not so embarassed cause the 7 am didnt get there till 8 am, whilst the 8 am forgot and turned up at 7am, so i was not alone in mistake, though not as dramatically in miserror.

I have been all-a-blush since lunch.

I love dictionaries and spellcheck

ARGH!

I knew I should have studied before I went in for the transcribing test.  If I finish with enough time to check my work, I always start second guessing myself and thinking everything looks wrong.  I have just looked up some of the words I typed and realise that I had spelt them right originally, and then corrected it into something very wrong - and do you think I could remember how to spell illicit and renown?  No.  I had illicit right originally, but it looked wrong so I went with ellicit - I am such a doofus.

We were not allowed to use spell check.

And I ended up going with renouned instead of renown, even though I knew it was wrong - renown just wouldn't come for me at all.  I don't think I've even read that word in a long time.

I tried not to mutter (cursing my ignorance) as I typed, but I believe I couldn't stop myself giving the occasional 'oh what the heck' shrug.

Renown is not a word I would have expected in a court session, so study would have been redundant in that case anyway.

As will no doubt be plain from my blog,  punctuation, grammar and spelling are not my strong points.  I've also read a few too many things written with the intention of emphasising pronunciation and very nearly accidentally typed 'carn't' instead of 'can't'.

Still ... I had a nice time, which is not something one can say about testing for jobs usually, and I have other prospects, but this would have been an interesting job.  I can only hope that I get some of the audio-typing correct that the others did not.

Never mind.  If I get the job I interviewed for yesterday I will be driving an estimator around in a hummer and following him about at job sites taking notes, which would be fun too.

And if I don't get either of them, the nice manager from my last place of employment who left a month or so before me, said he might have something coming up soon.  It's nice to be wanted :)

Very much a Monday

Odd Occurrence of the week so far ...

stoopid posts of mine
coming up as linked to a Dave Graney post
and listed after his entry
- I don't know why

Not that Mr Graney isn't entirely worthy of being linked too

I encourage you all to do so
I'd do it myself now but I am about to waffle on about the bad dreams I had over the weekend and I figure I've embarrassed myself in front of any curious readers of his well and truly enough already

I should colour all this first bit in pink just to properly reflect how I feel

weekend work related bad dreams

one where i am working where i am now
and performing some function or other
and things not working out

vague description I know
but it melted away like candy floss
leaving just a sticky residue of stress and unhappiness

second set at a fictional workplace
in a futuristicish large vertical city
but with lots of light and trees?!?

spent the dream working on financial repercussions of quiting the job
and what I would have left over on the dole after paying rent
maths works out though
$225 a fortnight
a hundred of which is taken up by cat needs

I don't need dreams like that
I can do that while I am awake

Filler

Babysitting night and there is a computer free!

I'm obviously using up my lotto luck here, so must take advantage of it (bummer though cause I think it's 20 million this Saturday - I am not sure an hour or so free computer access wins out against 20 million in my list of preferences).

Not that I've anything to blog about either.  I am just working and sleeping with no fascination dogging my mind and livening up my life.  I'm not non-interventionally cyber stalking any musicians.  No book series dragging my attention away from work and duty.  No pretty boys to sigh wistfully over.  Hell I don't even have an androgynous french waiter anymore, gosh darn it (though there is that guy at the thai takeaway that does the most graceful little bow when he hands the green chicken curry over - makes me go a bit quivery - but I hardly ever have thai cause my arse is growing gargantuan and soon will have small moons orbiting it).

I can't blog about work, cause that would be improper.  Nor would it be interesting for anybody else.  I haven't had any racy fantasies at all.  Not for months.  My libido is on extended holidays.  I think it's traveling around the world and gotten held up somewhere.  Maybe its in Ibiza? Maybe it's with James Blunt.  The hussy. 

Read the latest Jasper Fforde which is excellent as always.  I have mostly just been rereading books.  I have an excellent book.  I've read a few pages and it is really really going to be excellent.  Just after a couple of pages and I don't say that very often, but I can't make myself read it.  My brain only wants the familiar.  It's in bed with the blankets over its head and will only come out for Tamora Pierce or Lois McMaster Bujold.  I may have to go scavenging for Georgette Heyer novels just to make a proper fist of my retreat into comfort reading.

(I've decided not to tell the story that inspired this one)