Its been a long time

Time flies. 

I've had flies bashing themselves against the seam of the louver window in the bathroom.  Heading in the right direction.  The minute I open the window they suddenly veer the completely opposite direction and fail entirely to leave the room via their chosen point.

Life does rather seem to be like that lately.

Attempting to find all my logins.

I had a plan. 

Years ago.

Inspired by a Pink Panther movie.

The retired thief floating about in a pool (or next to a pool), painting.

When they turned it around it was the word Dull painted in many different ways.

I had the idea of doing this with all my logins and passwords.

However, I never got round to doing it.

Really wish I'd done that.

Have not yet been able to login to my recreational facebook account and am somewhat worried that I may have changed the phone number on the sim of my hotspot thingy into my phone number and have stuffed up my phone number.

I thought I was changing the contact number, but am concerned I should not have done that.

argh

I am not technological.

Frankly, I don't think I am any kind of logical.

Ethel the PIrate Cat

yohoho and a bottle of milk
meowed the pirate kitty
as it scaled the yardarm without and skill
high on catnip and boozy ...

boozy red wine
boozy red wine
high on catnip and boozy red wine

red red wine, she went on to yowl, stay close to meeeeee
*hic* oopsy 

she fell
just as they sailed into Sydney

Second confession ...

 ... my beautiful favourite band Augie March have release a cd of songs recorded live, which I have bought both physically and digitally and maddeningly also vinyly - even though I do not possess a record player. 

I also bought the vinyl version of the rerelease of Sunset Studies because it looks like a lolly.

I am an idiot.

I am going out tomorrow to look at record players.

I still kind of want to lick it.

I should confess ...

 ... in regards to the brown sofa.  I fully meant to buy something completely different.  I was in fact going to buy a purpleish fake velvet patchwork fainting couch.  I looked numerous times.  I struggled at the thought of spending large amounts of money. I lusted.  I visited the shop multiple times.  I eventually, actually spoke to someone who worked there.  I said I'd come back next week. Felt ill at the thought of spending large amounts of money

I came back the next week, ish. Loins girded to outlay large sums of money.

Spoke to the same lady and apologised for interrupting her lunch and bathroom break from last time. I said I was ready to buy the Chaise Lounge now. Got distracted by my own story of my father passing away and probate and being able to buy a sofa for the first time in 20 years etc.  Caught up in saleslady's own feelings of being moved and slight teary eye-ed-ness and rough voiced move-ed-ness.

Thought it seemed a bit more expensive, but figured I'd missed out on the boxing day sales due to delays at being unable to commit to large outlays of money and speaking to strangers etc.  

However, remained troubled, so looked at the receipt when I came home.  

Had bought a completely different sofa.

It is an infinitely more sensible sofa.  

Even though it is a bit too big for my loungeroom.  

The cats like it.

(not sexy dark purple fake velvet though, sigh)

i have no title yet ...

 ... very similar to those comedy talk fests on the ABC or SBS in that way ... I may choose a title by the end of the post ... perhaps ... maybe ...

I have a new laptop.

I have internet.

I am struggling to type due to the arthritis in my fingers which is making me a little cross.

Funnily enough crossing my fingers is something I can no longer do.  I still casually mention crossing my fingers and then fail to carry through.  So not really gotten used to it yet.

Typing used to be my preferred mode of communication.  It whooshed more smoothly than speech. I also do not yet have a mouse and separate keyboard.  I am a bit crap with the little pad one fingers like a figure skater and have only managed right hand mouse clicking by luck with my eyes shut and a hopeful frame of mind. Not that I have ever fingered a figure skater. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Although I probably wouldn't be very dexterous if it cropped up in my near future.  sorry.

I have bought a hippo lamp and a brown sofa and I have fully intended to finish moving furniture about for about a month so that I can walk around my flat without having to turn the light on and concentrate hard.  I fully meant to do some of that today.

I did not do that.

Tomorrow is a new day but.  I may yet do that.  All hope is not yet lost.

... sigh .... 2020

 Really, this is an unspeakable  year.   

My father passed away.  My other sister has cancer and is doing chemo ( thou ovarian cancer caught early, which is actually awesome, because you don't normally get to catch it early - so actually probablly great)

There have been other gastly things which I've obviously blocked from my memory cause I can't remember them off the top of my head.

One of my musician crushes passed away a few days ago and I only found out this afternoon. 

He once passed unnecessarily closely to my chair at a gig in Brisbane and I got to leer at his rear from an inch away, and then proceded to say sexually inappropriate things on line *smacks wrist bad sammy*.  One of a handful of people whom my occasionally unruly hormones and enthusiasms inspired me to fly for to see.  I even went out in Townsville, where I never feel particularly safe to be inebriated on my own.

RIP Mike Noga

Ps. Could all the other people I adore please take very good care of themselves for at least the next six months.  I'm usually pretty resilient,  but this year is testing me.

Busy busy busy bee

I wish i was in quarantine!
I've wanted a couple of weeks off for years.
8 years to be exact.
Ever since i started working casual.
I have no self control.
Havent managed to save up enough to have two weeks off.
Sigh.
Probably i could if i would, but i cant so i dont.

I've books and boxes wot need sorting and clothes to be bagged, curtains to wash and gardens to dig.

I am quite jealous of the older patients who are mostly self isolating who are telling me about all the gardening they are doing.
Bastards!

Self isolating is my normal state of being except for going out for breakfast.

I sent a picture of my attempt at making my own breakfast to my favourite closed local cafe and they laughed and laughed.

I know when i must be looking particularly frazzled at work, because some very nice person, who has been very patient, will quietly wait for a momentary pause between phone calls, which are few, to tell me something nice or uplifting, like ... "you're doing a very good job", or giving us a random box of chocolates. People are very nice.

A large number of people are now ending conversations or phone calls with "stay safe".

We ran out of face masks for the receptionists at work a couple of weeks ago, but Townsville doesn't really have many cases and the risks are low, so I'm not worried.

I await with interest to see how long the hand sanitiser lasts.  If it keeps on like it is we may make it too the mid or end of April.  I think the next delivery is May.

However, we are doing lots more phone consults now so maybe it will all even out in the end.

I am somewhat more stressed about peoples inability to read signs.

We have red tape.
We have wet floor signs.
We have additional signs taped to the wet floor signs.
We have signs taped to the counter.
We have signs taped to the doors.
We have a large whiteboard in the middle of the doorway with signs as people come in and signs on the walls.
We have lots of signs everywhere, and social media might even count as signs in the air?

We are a plague strewn version of Dr Seuss, but ... we still cannot stop people from leaning on the counter to get in close to talk to us about how they don't want to have to wait because its not safe to linger long inside medical centres with all the sick people.

Easter weekend and i have two days off in a row and hoping to trick myself into being a domestic goddess by talking about all the things i plan to accomplish ...  as if the only thing stopping me being tidy is circumstances and not some illogical mental kink, or maybe a more plain and simple explanation such as lazy lack of interest.

I moved my bed into the longeroom and only rise to go to kichen or bathroom.  The cats love it.  Much snuggling and cuddling, but i really must clean the front rooms and move the bed back into the bedroom, even if it is just for the exercise the five or more steps would achieve, and the sitting up in a chair to watch television which would probably be gooderer for my digestion.

Your feeble domestic intentions are no match
for the dark side.  Leave the bed where it is.
Go on about your business. 

Oh its rainin again ...

I love storm light.

That beautiful shade of gold against blue grey is my favourite.

The storm cloud  rumbles and rushes close crowding out the telly.

Hanging heavy o'er the house.
Intimdating the outside cat.

Well, maybe not so much, but who is not over impressed with the noise and flurry.

Still ... its very green at present.

I wish the mower man would come.

^rant alert^ Oy vey!

I am incidentally watching/listening to Della Smith cook and fuming to the sound of sprinklers and frogs.

My duplex neighbour has boundary issues due to the lack of fence.
He is a very nice man.
Very friendly.
Chatty.
He has worked as a carer for disabled people in the past.
And as a baker.

If i were an elderly lady who wanted someone to do stuff for her, i would be in pig heaven.

I am not an elderly person who wants someone to do stuff for me.

I am a receptionist, at a busy work place, with only two or three people answering six phone lines, whilst also serving many people in a noisy busy open plan space with screaming children and loud people and other people talking loudly behind us whilst we struggle to hear over them; the constantly printing printers which are next to us; and the quite loud fax/copier/printer which is close by. Without the benefit of proper headphones, reduced to clasping the phone to our ears with our shoulder, at badly setup computers with monitors set too low, on inadequate paded chairs, which need replacing and therefore cause both back and neck pain. Not to mention the added noise pollution from the line of people at the pharmacy, situated less than three feet from the desk (and the small children who have seen the lollies on display and far too easy reach, for sale).

Over the course of a five hour shift I may individually speak to 2 or 3 hundred people, whilst scanning, faxing, shredding, not yelling back at rude people, and I really do not want to talk to anybody when I come home.

I don't want them to take my sprinkler from my side of the yard to do their watering.

I don't want them to put their stuff on my side of the yard.

I don't want them to water my side of the yard.
I don't want them to bring my bins in WHEN I AM AT HOME AND CAN DO IT MYSELF WHENSOEVER I FEEL LIKE IT.

I want to be able to step outside, into my side of the yard, without having to talk to someone else or fend off offers to mend my hose wot i dont want mended (and if I  did could do myself) and which i would prefer to be using with the sprinkler wot i bought wot was in my backyard, ON MY SIDE OF THE YARD before they took it and seem to think that is okay?!

Is it because I am a female?

Bring on the thunder, i say.

Let it rain down on me.
Let the rain touch my hair.
Let the rain set me free.
Let it rain down on me.

It is rumbling in the distance and mocking my sudden surge of proprietary home occupancy, aka me watering the dying lawn for the first time in a couple of weeks, probably solely in reaction to my neighbours most recent transgressions.

If i wanted to live in a share house ...
... i would be living in a share house.
... and saving lots and lots of money, ey?


.

2020

Hark! What will the new year bring?

A houseparty full of people singing badly along to country music.

Is it significant that the boys and girls are singing separate parts?
I think it could be a Kid Rock song.

Farewell 2019 Greetings 2020

Fare thee well year ...
With all your foolish virtual self harming thoughts
Punishing maybes
And
Possibilities

I hear the echos of fucks
That resound from blocks away
Both joyous
And
Not

A new year

A year that was not anything
A year that passed in a heart beat
A year in which the heart seemed to beat too much
Too fast
And sometimes not at all

It all evened out in the end
And counted for nothing

I am not sure the year counted at all
It cetainly didn't really feel like it happened

Some things are more 'more' than they were
But some are less?

Some closer to death
But i feel more distant

Mum had a stroke
Dad has Alzheimers
The house a street away sounds like a jolly domestic
Which is all very confusing

I think i feel more positive?
Determined
Less plastic

Mums is mostly herself
Just tires easily
Dad is sedated

Turning eleven of the clock
and only three or four houses are loud now
Happy louds
Wa heys and woos
Instead of ings

Its amazing how far an ing carries.

Further than embers

I am on the cooking channel
I am reading a childrens book
I am trying not to think about my life

It almost would be a relief to watch the bushfire news
(Which is a silly selfish thought)
(And both true and untrue at the same time)
(I am not so selfabsorbed as to trump tragedy)
(But selfabsorbed enough to fancy it for awhile)

Which makes me flash back to a scene from Grosse Point Blank
What an awesome film that was
... for a while ...

My new years resolution...
... apart from quitting alcohol,
Eating healthy,
Exercising and loosing weight) ...
Is to watch Grosse Point Blank on a regular basis
And attempt to learn the words off by heart!

I don't expect it to make me a more complete being

Probably I'd have to watch Lady Hawke for that, ay?

Edit:  you know it really drives me nuts when I can't work out what people are saying!  I refuse to put on dark clothing and crawl closer to their house just to hear. Why! Why did I not invest in one of them there cheap directional devices!  This happens every year.

Okay Fuckit!!!
That is my new NEW years resolution!
Directional fucking listening devices!

Fucking drives me nuts!

Ing ing ing ing ing

Edit edit:  and now all the neighbour hoood dogs are taking turns to bark.

And i can hear weird crashing fence noises
Close by ...
... but take reassurence in that they reported arresting the man in my neighbourhood this morning responsibe for a violent home invasion and crime spree, not really, argh!

Did i mention i missed most of 'Dinner for one'?
I love that show
I watch it every year
You should google it

Try and drink along with it, ha ha
Its a challenge!

They have been wooing periodically for hours
I just wish they sounded happier about it.

Twenty minutes to go.

Edit edit edit:  did i tell you already?  One of my first employers clients told my boss i sounded like a dead horse on the phone.  He called me into his office and made me practice sounding more cheerful.  He randomly called into the office over the next few weeks and after I'd answered the call would bark "SOUND MORE CHEERFUL".

This is what i want to tell the house a block away.

Twelve minutes too go

Edit efit editititditargh for heavens sake! Its still five mintes to go and they satarted the countdown to early and mucked it up counting down from ten to five.  Far ou brussel sprout.

Okay now they are wooing again.
They got the time right cause they can hear the fireworks going off in the distance...

... HAPPY NEW YEAR CUNTS     WOOO HOOO!!!!!!  ....

Revelation

An abby-normal (vague reference to movie 'young Frankenstein') burst of energy on the weekend saw me  progress slightly on my gremlin project.

The son of one of the ladies at work grew his hair to shave for a cure.

I donated and asked for a couple of locks of hair.  The plan being to incorporate them into the gremlins.  I thought it would be cool.

However, I've been so tired, they have not grown much.  There has been a great deal more thinking and buying, than doing.

I didn't know why i suddenly felt okay to create, but then i noticed there were threads of black ash spiralling down from the sky and realised i was breathing deeply of the smoke from the grass fires in my area.

I grew up on a cane farm.

The sweet smell of burning cane and molasses, is part and parcel of my childhood.

Its going to get awkward if i have to set fire to my surroundings so i can have the energy just to mop my kichen.

I shouldn't be spending money but,...

.... shoud be my new ongoing title but, ... i couldn't resist!

An elder gentleman was selling paintings outside the local IGA.

He said he didn't sign his name because once he'd sold it, it belonged to me.

R

I confess!

I wasn't supposed to be spending money this week, but ...

It is such a cute little painting and goes so well with the little cat lamp my brother gave me for Christmas.

I wish i were there ...

I am swimming with delight of my nieces and nephew!

Eldest decided she really wanted to reenact a scene from the princess diaries where they have a canvas studded with balloons filled with paint and pop them with darts.

She decided to do this with her siblings to celebrate her mothers birthday, the day before mothers day, whilst her mother is away on long service leave camping holiday and not in a position to stop them,

She also decided to do this on the day they had mostly run out of food, and was soooo busy preparing for the event, that they'd not had much water, and decided they should have cocktails first, before doing anything else.
Like cooking.
And stuff.

Luckily, they also decided to film the event.
They even did a time lapse.

Sophie (happily/drunkenly) threw a dart.
It rebounded, after popping a paint filled ballon ...
... and she caught it again ...
... WITHOUT IMPALING HERSELF WITH THE DART!!!!

She therefore argued that it meant she got another throw.

I have suggested the resulting artwork should be entittled 'Twilight pee on LSD'.

Apparently it got smugged a bit when she thought it was a good idea to hop up on the table to add more paint filled ballons, instead of waiting for her much taller brother.
(Sophie is a bit on the short side, but tall in personality and determination).

She is already planning a reenactment for when her mom gets home, but possibly without the darts.

... and the tacks they where using to fix the balloons, which had a tendency too projectile out from the canvas with prejudice.

Also, they are missing some darts.

Oh me, oh my ....

I have gained an overly chatty neighbour who has put my lack of enthusiastic response to the invite to come watch a movie with him sometime to offence at 'implied' cracking onto.

Extra implied 'as if!'.

I am not a social person.
I have been very polite.

He was supposed to fence his dog in, as it was not a dog friendly rental.
My cat had been missing two days.
(He is back now)
I am working twice my usual hours because someone is off sick for May.

He seems to be reacting to the concept of 'duplex' like others might to share house.

It is not a share house.

He keeps offering to do stuff for me.
I know i am messy and useless,  but i don't want people to do stuff for me!
I want to do it or nothing!

And i like it messy!!!
I feel so more secure!
Like I've left boobie-traps to ensnare trespassers .
If only there were a fence!

He is in his seventies or so, and obviously not used to living a single life, but ...

... but ....

... secretly ...

... secretly, I  wish I  were a serial killer and knew how to hide bodies, sigh.

On weekends when I work alone I speak to at least 150 people face to face.
I would take calls from probably twice that.
After shallow unrewarding potentially antagonistic interactions with 450 people in 7 hours, i REALLY don't want to see, talk, integrate with a living soul wot is not a cat.

I don't think it is unreasonable to expect my neighbour and his rather lovely elderly dog wot I am already sneaking treats too, to stay on their own side.

I am trying to wrack my brians of elderly patients who might want a man.
He has had a knee replacement, so he probably could dance?

Raofl

My sister and her partner have gone away camping, leaving their grown up children alone in the house.

Except from my nieces latest update:

Day 3 without parents: Dukey found a couple of maggots in the corner of our laundry next to our bin. He freaked out and sprayed them with bug spray, but it wasn't working fast enough and they were crawling towards him so he smashed them with a shoe. More started coming out from under the carpet though - more than he could squash - so he decided to drown them with water. But then he realised he'd used too much water and there was a massive wet patch on the carpet. So he tried to mop it up with towels and then when he ran out of towels (and I swear to god, I wish I was making this up) grabbed the fucking iron and started trying to iron the fucking floor dry. It worked a little bit but was taking forever so he gave up, put the towels in the washing machine, and wandered off into his room.

Came back an hour later. The entire back end of the house is flooded. He forgot to put the draining hose in the laundry tub. And he can't dry the floors with with towels. Because all the towels were in the wash. So now he is in the corridor with the mop, gagging as he tries to get rid of this water.

The worst part?
The.maggots.are.still.alive.

And now they're in the kitchen.

It was a bargin!

Have been lecturing myself for the last two weeks about the need to get a grip and do some serious saving for a while.

And then ... sigh.

The ever fabulous Margaret Crawford went and made the gorgeous little bunny mug and my steely resolve crumbled before it even got to flash its colours.

Sleeping in

Snuggling with cat in bed.
Stroke softly under chin.
He gently takes my hand in paw and affectionately licks.

I can't but help wonder if he is just cleaning me up abit, so I don't dirty his fur.

How does one spell tarry? Tary? Tari?

Advance!
Tarry not amidst the discarded clutter and detritus
Cardboard mountains of consumed tv dinners and too many drinks
But go!  Go forth!
Battle overflowing litter trays stinking of piss.

Face the frequently forgotten and affeared
Tray hidden beneath the back stairs
All to oft' left long
And wilfully misremembered when done so.

Oh, if only I could discourse a river such as Hercules
To wash before me this feline faeces

Be brave little cat mother!
(Not so little in form,
But little in resolve)

Suck deep of breathe and hold
And triumphant undefeated, discard
Behold litter all clean and new
To be promptly christened with urine and poo.


Ive been watching a midsummers nights dream on dvd. Helen mirren as Queeb Titannia.