Thursday, September 13, 2018

Shyly stirs dust with toe ...

... i read the third volume of Stephen Frys autobiography.

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Butterflies flitting hither and thither...

... I get so wound up and anxious before my specialist appointments.

My brain seems to escape my control at the least provocation.

It's a very important five or ten minutes that are not repeated for three months.  I am so cross with myself cause I nearly always end up crying, which is my number one stress response.

Today I nearly held it together.

The actual specialist came out this time, and checked it was okay she had a student with her.  I am fine with students.  Actually pleased and happy if I can contribute. Which in this instance I think I did.  There was quite a bit of show and tell happening. Which is good because I get told things I probably wouldn't be told under normal circumstances.

The specialist looked at my hands and asked me how I was working.

It wasn't a rhetorical question.
She actually wanted an answer.
She grilled me a bit on what I was actually doing.

She asked me if I was able to dress myself, and bathe, and wipe my bottom.

I nearly broke down then and there.
They were good questions.

I can wipe my own bottom and shower and dress myself, but sometimes it feels like a close thing, and I am overly self conscious about whether I am pulling my weight at work and if people think I am bludging,  cause I don't think I necessarily think I look disabled.

My gulity conscience probably plays its hand here, as since moving is troublesome, my preference to drape myself over something soft and comfortable with a book tends to take dominant position.

Even when moving is not troublesome, my preference is to drape myself over something soft and comfortable and read a book.


I have my script for methotrexate and a plan to try it again and if still to unwieldy, a plan for an alternative.

I have the rest of the week off and have dug large holes in the front yard and half refilled the problem areas.

I am starting on the house.

Have stabbed a couple of the problem areas and if I manage to conquer the next two sticking points, I expect the rest to flow like joyful bubbling spring water, washing away the weighty weighing woeful black tide of stultifying emotion that has kept me from basic cleanliness.

I might even get around to washing some of the walls that I've wanted too for a while.


Or I may read the third volume of Stephen Frys autobiography which I picked up for five dollars at the opshop, when i popped into the city centre on an errand for my eldest sister yesterday.

It was a bargin.

Sunday, September 9, 2018

Tomorrow ...

... begins my week off work.

I will start by running an errand for my eldest sister .
The next my specialist appointment.

I've bought dried mealy worms to feed the ducks in the park after my specialist appointment,to mitigate the effects as i expect it to upset me.

I have formulated plans to go a day without antinflammatories, so I can reimpress on my brain how much difference they make.

And I plan to do house and yard work.

Preliminary investigations from some of the holes in my yard are reveilling shockingly large holes under the driveway etc.

Which is making me even more concerned about the awesomely huge hole wot opened up on the other side of the yard that they have chucked besser blocks into instead of soil, which i think is a mistake as it just allows more water to go in to make the hole bigger.

I think it could cross the line from erosion to perhaps potential sink hole.

I don't want my rental house to sink into a hole.

I'm fond of it.

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

How great!

My Aunty Margaret took this rather fabulous photo on her latest roadtrip.

I wish I had half so much talent as she has in her little finger.
She is an awesome painter, and has tried her hand as at a variety of mediums.

This one soothes my soul on a troubled day.
... but would sooth my soul anyway.
It is just perfect to me.

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Oh dear, ...

... it's one of those nights when I am having ranting conversations/ arguments in my head.

Q&As fault.

Imagining I am asking a question and rebuttalling.

Then imaging I have demanded an exit interview at my work place (after I  win the lotto cause that is the only way it is gonna happen, sigh) and what I might say .. if I were a completely different person to wot I actually am.

People who call a spade a spade, dressing up rudeness and bullying in virtue etc.

I am making myself tired and also ruining my chances of a good sleep all in one action.

Need to shut my brain down, but patting cats or reading books are not working.

I have an abundance of both. Three cats on the bed (at present, more later if it gets colder) and a pile of books large enough to mimic a bedside table.

I wish I'd bought spirits so I could have a shot of tequila or gin, but am paying rent in advance so I can have a week off in September. 

Have roughly worked out I need to pay two weeks in advance so I can pay rent and eat for two weeks for one week off.

Not stressed about that.
Think have under control.
Think should hit close to goal this week with a week to spare or merely be spot on.

Am taking the  week I see the specialist off.

With encouragement from boss since he is having mini holidays during the next two months which are guarenteed to make my life unpleasant.

Last time he didn't leave his keys so i couldnt access the filing cabinets with the processed record requests, or file new record requests etc.

Last two times he has only given the email password with the nurse manager who is computer illiterate, and who therefore will not let me access the email, since i wasnt given the password, so i couldnt tell what he had or had not told people about record requests.

Didn't leave the code to tbe eftpos machine so I could not process payments for record requests at all.

Really dont want to do it, but they cant sucker anyone else in to doing it.  Do not get paid extra.  Last time went in 7am everyday for an hour (unpaid) just so i could use the computer he has stuffed saved onto the desktop of (which the spade calling nurse manager uses when she arrives at 10/10.30 except at the time she was coming in extra early because of pre employment medicals booked) without interruptions cause one can't do it whilst trying to work reception with a person down since we now only have two receptionists working afternoons nowadays.

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!  Runs about hysterically flapping hands and making angry chicken noises!!!!!!

Really work isn't that bad, and people interractions are the usual levels of unfairness and nondescript thoughtless bullyfacing wot you would get in any workplace. I have just been there too long. 

Have passed six years and drowning.

Surely you should only have to suffer family this long?

Hell.  I spend more time at work than with my family.
Probably why I feel more fondly disposed towards them.
The less I see of them, the more fond I am.

Am contemplating my options for this years xmas present.
Last year was socks.
This year i am considering useless bricabrac, eg small bowls or plates.

My previously diseased sister is trying to redirect my attention to something vaguely useful, such as pens. But, a good pen is going to cost twenty ot thirty dollars or even more, and I am trying to keep xmas presents down to ten to twenty dollars.

Cheapness being the whole point when one is single, attempting self support and having twelve or more people to buy presents for at xmas time cause noone will agree to do a chris kringle in case they get my other sister as a presentee.

Actually ... maybe I am feeling a little tense this evening?

Really, it is so hard to know sometimes when one is perhaps being a little over emotional, until maybe one writes a blog post and perhaps comes to the conclusion upon rereading, that maybe ones is being perhaps a little excessive upon consideration.

Is there any wine in the house at all?

Snowball beat up George when he visited the other day.
He yelped in a most distressing way.

I wish I owned a footspa.
I am totally in the mood for foot spa.
I don't even own a bucket I could fit two feet in.

Friday, August 24, 2018

Poor George

So ... I asked George to smile foe the camera.

Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Confused kitty

So before Thomas left, he had a interesting moment.