Saturday, May 20, 2017

WARNING - Sad post alert - Last saturday ...


















... my beautiful Pease Blossom ...
  (a boy, just to clarify)
((my main cat, just to be more clarifcific)) ...
passed away, convulsing in my arms.
He had renal failure and was not robust in his illnesss. Many times choosing not to eat.

If i were rich he would have spent weeks on drips and bi-weekly blood tests and over $100 monthly pills.

Such was not possible.

He would hide if a car pulled up in front of a neighbours house.
When at the vets he would need to be force fed unless i could visit, for he would not eat or defect if i were not present.

He always slept on my hip, or back or stomach.
He would be on my lap if i were still.
Or on my back if i so much as leant slightly forward.
He liked back-surfing.
I would take him on trips around the house like so.

He waged a war with the Tablet, where he won if he sat closer to my face than the screen.

I had to work last Saturday.
I work every Saturday now because no one else wants to work saturdays, even though they know i would like to have two days off in a row at least once a month. Even though i cover all their shifts whenever they don't want to work them.

The manager was on leave, so i didn't feel able to not work.

Blossom waited until i came home.

I rinsed his mouth out under the tap and bundled him in a blanket, stroking his poor head.

He seemed to give me a purr, though that could well have been my overstrained imagination.

I cradled his corpse for far longer than was probably necessary because i couldn't differentiate between the blood pulsing in my ears and a heartbeat.

He is currently in my freezer pending a decision on burial.

Its been raining alot.
The irony is fierce.
It rarely rains here.
We have been on level three water restrictions for months.
The radio station personalities are calling Townsville "the Dome".

My yard is underwater, so burial with commerative garden is unfeasible at present.

I am very sad.
He was a very nice cat.
He was only nine.




Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Fed up

I am fed up with the stupid pills.

I am not that upset with pain.
It really isn't​ all that bad for me.
It is a very mild flare.

I was upset with the deterioration in my hands, but nothing seems to be helping with the restrictions being imposed on my tendons. Indeed, it seems to be worse on the medication. I have three fingers which used to bend wot no longer do.

I only wanted to see a specialist because the disease was impacting on my ability to work, but medication appears to have a worse affect.

If I were rich and didn't have to work, I would persist.

... but fuck this for a lark ...

The stupid medication makes me sad.
I am randomly crying.

I have a nice, pleasant, no stress life.
I've worked hard too make it so.

I should not be crying into my​ dinner.

I will ring tomorrow to cancel the follow up appointment.

I have finally gotten round to buying a cd player, and am enjoying Bach's cello suites. Ta yo-yo Maa. You is da boom, hey?

You do me much more good than the silly pills.









Friday, April 7, 2017

Pill night Thursday ...

... so intense dreams.

First dream, started as a home invasion of my current abode. Managed to get a call off to 000 before the tyre-iron welding men got in, then unexplainably relocated to my grandmothers home (but which is a frequent location for my dreams).

Towards the end of the dream, with the police never showing up, I had skin tags and warts noted by my main attacker on my arms and shoulders and he decided that he would cut them off and excise them without any form of anesthetic or alcohol.  My semi naked figure was tied to a table whilst he cut and sewed with black thread.

Dream two was lovely and involved me travelling repetatively through mustard, blue, green and pink corridors and stairs. The green being my favourite because I tapshoed and shuffled my way down them too joyous music.  These are the colours my grandmothers houses walls were painted. A colour for each wall. Apparently it was the fashion at the time. My mother picked the colours out.

Dream three consisted of my current abode crumbling and sinking into the earth. I was trying to rescue my books.  It started with a leak in the bathroom wall that slowly ate the concrete away and ended with my whole family there, but not being much help and myself squirralling through openings to get to the closed off rooms to throw my books out the windows to safety.

My situation not helped with being unable to call ghe landlaord straight away because we had to clean the kitchen and lounge before he saw it, because I am such a messy person.

Dream two was lovely.
I wish I had more like them.

They're usually more like dream one and two, though they are exciting and interesting too.

I love dreaming :)

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Oops

I have been raised with a hetrosexual viewpoint, but still keep in mind childhood crushes on admired girls/teachers and do not rule them out, but am not a sexual being.

Indeed sex seems like a great deal of exercise for a muscle spasm.

I have never had a girl on girl relationship, though I have been assumed to be lesbian by others in the past.  At the schhols I went to girls didn't mix much with boys, and after that I have mostly always worked with older women.

I admire and adore a friend met online named Bec. She is awesome.  She is also beautiful, intelligent and talented.  I would feel inferior in her presence if she were not so lovely.  Instead, she makes you feel more ept and enabled and smarter, just being around her.

There is a young lady with a boyish look (a cross of Bec and a boy I was in love with when I was six) who works at the local supermarket.

She crosses all my wires and I stutter like a fool when she serves me.

Friday, March 31, 2017

I am sadness ...

I wish I still possessed a copy of Lady Hawke, for I am sadness.

I know it's only been a fortnight since Ted died, but I am subject to tragic thoughts when I Scooter.  I started crying half way home from work.  Really it is enough to put One off Scooters.  Great though they are.

It was the same with Bubba after he disappeared. I guess Ted is the closest I've come to having a long term relationship to anything.  It is only fair that I cry as much for Ted as I did for Bubba.

I wish I was still painting, even though I've never shown any talent for it.

It was a stopgap that stemmed the bad thoughts.

I shall buy a canvas this weekend to hammer into my subconscious my lack of talent and hopefully the urges will ebb. It's not as if I am any kind of artist?? It​'s stoopid. Appropriate for the stoopid pills, hey?

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

I blush ...

... there was perhaps a moment when, perhaps, the wind was too strong to fly a kite ... but only a moment.  I think we've had about three minutes of heavy rain since.

Obviously, many people south of Townsville have lost their homes and businesses, and perhaps i may possibly have enjoyed Kochies nervousness on the balcony a little too much.  Whilst also being a little turned on at his stern dadlike cautioning of the cameraman who wanted to get some more impressive shots of a piece of guttering that had come off the building.

But also, somewhat suffering the guilt of wishing something a bit bad would happen to idiots flying to a natural disaster before it happens.

It's just wrong.

And the whole standing around outside during a cyclone thing ... ?!?!

You can take illicit drugs, hey?
It is probably safer.

Don't know what is organised vis a vis donations to flood/cyclone relief, but please consider qld if you have spare moola.

It's nice and warm at the moment, so no one is cold, and people help each other, so no one is starving, but replacing clothes and daily necessities costs a lot of money, not to mention all the businesses which won't be operating and employing people.

And cat food.
And kitty litter!
My cats won't crap outside when it is too wet.
Really, i am sure everybody has enough to put up with without cat shit on top of everything else.

Edit: over 30%heat and high humidity, no airconditioning or even ceiling fans because no power ... and no deodorant!

Edie edit:  solar powered fairy lights are surprisingly useful.
That's how my family lit their bathroom for a week with the power off last cyclone.
A bit of light to help find the toilet comes in handy.

Sunday, March 26, 2017

What is this looming thing?

It is cyclone Debbie.

Soooo not an intimidating name. Why couldn't they at least rename her Deborah when they decided she might be more than cat 3?

How embarrassing would it be to have all ones earthly goods destroyed by Debbie?

Probably i am being insulting to Debbies.
Probably they are a devastating force of nature too, when they want to be, hey?

I just wish work was closed like the schools.

I predict I shall arrive at a surgery with few doctors and spend all morning cancelling appointments (to much abuse, because that is a receptionists lot in life), until such time as i have to drive home in unsafe conditions and be unable to buy any last minute necessities i may require, because sensible businesses closed at midday, so that employees were left with plenty of time to make their homes safe with all the things one does not do till the last minute, like bringing the bins into the house, etc.

In my case, my bins into my kitchen and my scooter into the laundry.

I plan to spend most of tuesday drunk.
(If i can get to a bottle shop in time with the meagre pickings left of my pay after ordering a skip so I  could clean up the block).
Yasi was an all night affair.
Debbie does daytime

Hopefully, Debbie does not blow Townsville ... away.

My poor brother in Mackay will probably have it much worse, though I have great faith in his partner Dianne to have done all sensible insurancy things.  She is much more organised then I  am.  I wish I had a Dianne.

Dianne could totally take Debbie.

Pre-cyclone picture, all blushing pink and orange fire.









Toss ya for it?

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

I am sadness ...

My beautiful neighbour Ted passed away Thursday.

He would have been 96 this year.

He would tell me stories about his wife Beryl, about her lamingtons and hanging plants,  about their life on the farm, about his experiences stationed at Darwin during the war.

He gave me his newspaper every evening after he'd completed the crossword.

I didn't see him so much after I started at the medical centre cause I mostly work afternoon/evenings, and his chat time was usually between 5 and 5.30 when his dinner was cooking. He said he swore he wouldn't let himself go when Beryl died, so he kept to a strict schedule for meals and stuff.

The void was soon filled by the Bluecare ladies who helped him bath every morning, but i would still catch him sometimes on my day off or at the mailbox and/or bin mornings.

The afternoon he died i was contemplating trying to organise a set time we could have morning tea together, around his nap times, which were gradually increasing every year.

He was a lovely, kind man who always pretended to be more deaf then he actually was when I checked in with him about my tendancy to sing rather louder than I  should.

Cheers Ted.
Probably I've had rather too many drinks in your honour since Thursday night ... but you're worth it, hey?
Cheers!
(And at least i am not trying to ferment my own liqur with sugar, spit and coconuts)

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Also ...

I went for my two yearly eye check Thursday.

I was stressing cause my eyes feel more blurred than usual and I wasn't sure if it was the psoriatic arthritis, which can effect the eyes, or the medication, which can cause blurred vision, or just time and age.

It was only after, when I was picking out frames, I realised my shirt was on inside out.

Friday, March 10, 2017

I've been sick ...

Proper sick.
Food poisoning!
From bacon!!

I may never be able to eat bacon again.

It's a TRAGEDY!!!

So ... i was lying on my bed. Not feeling to good after my late night snack of bacon on toast, when began to know that things were not going well in the digestion department. In fact, i decided that i thought that i might be about to commence being sick.

The bathroom is at the other end of the house and i began to feel also perhaps too darn far away.

I looked about me and noted a handy flexible bucket style container that could be rapidly emptied and did so with a promptness rewarded with the rapid refilling of said container with watery, bready soup and what i would have been proud to call finely diced bacon if i had done so by hand.

All well and good and not a bad thing because one always feels so much better just after a spew, however ...

... unfortunately ...

I am one of those people who sometimes (well frequently) faint if i vomit in an upright position.

So the next thing i am aware of is that beautific feeling of ultimate relaxation and warmth that one has (or at least i do) when waking from passing out (or anthesthetic), then i remembered what i had been doing prior to this and realise i have just been snuggling down into a pool of my own vomit.

Sigh.

It was a massive regurgitation.  A puddle over a metre square.



Yikes!

Due to assimilation issues between cat number six and the established mob, cat six is allowed outside when i am not at home.

Cat six therefore also has a water bowl and food dish outside.

In consequence, two local cane toads now think they are my pets and no longer flee at the sight of me.

One won't even hop away when i make shooing motions at it.

I had to actually touch it to get it to move.

😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨






Tuesday, February 28, 2017

I had a beautiful long post written out with the chicken peck i have to resort too with this tablet and have lost it all, probably for the good, cause i was feeling very motivated by things today.

I will distlll it down to Fuck it all.

Really .
Today sucked.
Also apparently i am not allowed to yawn in reception.
The boss said so.
Id be more inclined to listen to them if we had not been sittig on Maxines chair  from home for the last six months because work could not be arsed to replace the broken chair in reception.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Aspirations...

I have accidently enriched my kitties lives.
Very hot recently and I do not have air-conditioning.
When it gets really bad I buy a bag of ice, put it in a bucket under the fan.
Have been left with a large container of water.






















Normally I would throw this out promptly, but they are having no end of fun balancing precariously on the edge to drink.  Am trying to get an action shot, but they move too quickly for me.

I pray to the god I don't believe in that I am present when one finally falls in.

Am going to hit the op-shops on the weekend, to try and find some odd shaped, heavy bottomed, hard to tip over objects I can put water in for their entertainment.

Sunday, January 29, 2017

What to talik about?

The value of my blog was struck home to me when I received one of "those" letters from centrelink for a period of time from 2010. Far beyond anything I  could possibly voluntarily remember.

If it had been of lesser value, at a less stressful time of year, I  would have just paid it, because the difficulty of trying to work out / remember what I'd been doing six or seven years ago to the exact date is completely beyond me. Ive never kept quite so close notes. Usually my periods of unemployment are wellsprings of depression and disappointment that I  do my best to forget.

To suddenly have to try and work out what i was doing for a month and a half six years ago, when i was quite unhappy with my situation, was rather a shock.

Luckily I blog and could reconstruct my movements and managed to re-access some old emails which contained my old payslips.

But what about all the other mad bloggers wot tried to stick to a non-personal theme and not spew their personal trials on all and sundry.

Where can they look to find out what exact day they might have been told to pack their bags because the government has decided to halt and desist employment of all temporary or other employees?

How many other persons with no trust of systems and no detailed personal records are paying back money they don't owe?

It makes me feel even less willing to apply for unemployment assistance than I  already am (and was kindofsortof admonished for not applying sooner one time) because i really don't  WANT to be on unemployment if I  don't have to.

It seems such a shame to me that it is commonly called 'welfare' now, like it is a dirty word, instead of 'social services' like it used to be.

It makes me think about how important words are, and how often colleagues and even managers have asked me about definitions of words, even though i didn't finish highschool, i just read.

And then i get even more mushy and confused and emotional and obsess about commas and stuff and thinking, like maybe I  should be on medication and possibly anti-depressants and outraged that not more people like 'letters and numbers' cause it is sooo good.

Then the cat meeps at me and I go fill their food dish and things return to normal.

Friday, January 27, 2017

Cat in a bucket ...

Much competition for the bucket of clean clothes from off the clothesline.

Current occupant "Sookie".
























The colour of their vomit, after eating grass, is not dissimilar to the colour of this bucket.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

I am forcing myself ...

... away from the television and my book with firm statements / commands / selfexplanations!

You really, really(!) NEED underwear!!
I tell myself.
Get up!

I am soo blaise (spelling?)
It's  been slow at work.
My brain has been slow with medication.
Myself has been slow to care.
About anything.

I must i must increase my bust.

Is what ladies used to chant as they did certain exercises wbich were supposed to increase their bust which didnt but actually were very good toning exercises which in that sense certainly, probably, maybe made them perkier? Perhaps?

Lift and thrust.

I have cleaned some litter trays.
Everything smells so much better.
My nose doesn't  normally really work, so i figure they must have been bad.

My birthday/xmas present from my family is a security door which may possibly be being fitted this coming week and i am quite excited, and my cats will be much cooler and there may be sudden vicious placement battles occurring in the near future and maybe if i put off buying a new phone yet again! and buy a cat water fountain instead i can distract them from fighting over who gets to lay down first in front of the new screen door first?

Or maybe not.

BUT FIRST I NEED TO WASH SOME UNDERWEAR!!!!

I want to win lotto so that i can open a bookstore to replace my local bookstore wot i used to go to after having breakfast out on a friday or saturday or sunday or other day, but wot closed when i wasn't looking over xmas, gosh darn damnit!! I am so pissed off about that!
I would call it 'Brown Books'.
Because i am silly.



Saturday, January 14, 2017

Springing into action, I rushed to the door ...

My beautiful silly cat loudly moaned and mewed his excited delight at bringing me a present ...




















... a piece of soggy wood.

Friday, January 13, 2017

Shattered

My life is back to normal, now that my mother has finally gone home, so today I went out to brunch and wandered down to my local bookstore only to find closing down signs and nearly entirely empty displays.

The few scattered remaining books looked forlorn and the nice very tall assistant starting to take down shelves whilst sniffling into a well used tissue. The lovely motherly lady who usually rings up my purchases gave me an extra percentage off my last buy and I burst into tears as I walked away.

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Here comes the sun ...

My beautiful Bokkie has not entirely forgiven me for bringing him home from my sisters house. However, he loves me enough that even though he started off lying half the bed away, and even though it is very hot and sticky, he has still ended up snuggled up against my foot.




It has only taken three hours.