Monday, November 28, 2011

Last night

late at night
had just turned off the light to go to sleep
decided to make last minute trip to bathroom
bathroom light not currently working
okay cause laundry light does and that is enough
do my thing
pull on the toilet paper to tidy up
spider rolls into view
was on back of toilet paper roll
panicked scramble
body moves faster than feet
possibly something to do with knickers residing round ankles
collapse on floor in doorway and scrap knee
retreat muttering to bandage the blood
fucking hate spiders

Thursday, November 24, 2011


Tonight "the crow" is on telly.
I believe this was the first time I saw Brandon Lee.

I saw it and instantly wanted him ever so much.
I don't know why.
I even liked him in that other silly movie with dolf whatever his name is starting with L.  Lindgren? something like that.  He was in a rocky movie.
It was very silly.
I wanted to marry him.
I think I was twenty ish?
I had never experienced any kind of long term urge for possession before this.
I was so angry when he died.
I think I even threw a book across the room or some other such tanty kind of exhibition of myself.
Thankfully nobody was around to see.

He looks like such a jock too.  I never like jock-ish dudes.  I like slightly pudgy guys with glasses or boys wot look like musketeers.  Brandon Lee looks like he played football, for heavens sake!

(still kind of want him though)

Thursday, November 17, 2011

I recently participated in a telephone survey focused on local government and issues and realise far far too late that I should have answered the question about flood proofing the Bruce Highway as "Very very Highly Important and of great concern" because last year my mother was trapped here for an extra two weeks because of the flooding and a very uncomfortable and fraute (sp? oh whatever) two weeks culminating in the "how best to cook rice" episode which my eldest sister is humourous contemplating revisiting by gifting my sister with a microwave rice cooker - lol - how the chuckles will freeze into little ice cubes wot will shatter into razor sharp splitters on the laser like glare emitted from what is called "my mother's eyes" but which are in reality laser cannons of death by ice splitters!

I have, of course, encouraged her shamelessly.
I wonder what the chinese hell for female transgressers against their mothers is like?
I wonder if it has spiders.
Or maggots.
Or thread worms and such.


Well ...  it is Thursday.

I decided enough was enough the week before last.
I succombed (if this isn't how it is spelt, then it is how it should be spelt) to my sense of duty Sunday night, upon receipt of a phone call.
I stuck to my guns Tuesday.
I spent a half-day playing stupid match 3 computer game most of Wednesday.
I agreed to play with my not quite 2 years old niece evenings Wednesday and Thursday whilst her daddy was away.
I had an interview that was sadly not to fruit cash due to my arthritis this morning.
I have a potential possibility of a temp job till 13th December.
My mother is arriving 10th.
My old places christmas party, which I would quite like to go to, is 11th Dec.
My fortieth birthday is the same day.
I still can't believe I am turning forty.
It seems like a big birthday.
It feels like I should own my own sound system and car by now.
Instead I have six cats that I am lying to my mother about and have only just found some cheap kitty litter trays with lips.
By lips I mean an attachable rim that faces inward.
That could potentially stop kitty litter being sprayed across the room when the kitties dig, if they didn't just use it to defecate on instead.
I've been nice to them!
I've bought them the low fat Tuna.
Low fat tuna for HUMANS EVEN.
gosh darn it

Have I mentioned that my favourite new book series is ...
possibly a new low in my love of childrens books, but they are charming as heck.
I do love when people are being their best.
I don't understand reality tv at all.
I have just finished book two and have my fingers crossed that the temp job works out so that I can buy three and four and still buy Christmas presents for the children.

Not that they deserve it after the display of sloth and slackness exhibited during my week of playing mommy.  (I wasn't necessarily a particularly good mommy)

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Nachos for dinner, fortune cookies for dessert

fuck but i love this man
with a deep devoted, yet slack and apathetic, non-interventionist kind of love

today is the last day of my babysitting and i shall be much relieved to get back to some solitary time with which to drink excessively if i so feel like it and enjoy the quiet and my cats

i am not used to so much prolonged human company
it is wearying

though the kids are cool
nephew and youngest niece are hilarious

youngest niece has to learn an Irish accent with which to perform her character in drama

ask me not why she is Irish, since it is the four Yorkshire-men sketch

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Story attempt for my niece

My sister would like us to write and illustrate a book for our youngest niece who turns 2yrs in December.   I had an idea for a simple picture book, and while I was happy with some of the scribbled draft illustrations what I really wanted to do was a photo montage with additions instead, and I am far to lazy to actually put them together - also it would require either lots of magazines or a colour printer and a computer larger than my little notebook or whatever it is, cause I just can't create in these conditions darlinks.

But 2yr niece is getting a little more sophisticated in her book listening, and something with more words would be the go now.  Here is a first attempt at a more wordy version of the first picture book that I never made.  I probably won't make this one either - lol!

This is the Bean Baby
she is reading a book
It made her curious
to go have a look

(not entirely happy with this verse yet)

She packed up her bag
and she packed up her books
and she packed up meow
and thats all she took
(meow is her soft toy cat)

the Bean Baby went walking
the Bean Baby went soaring
the Bean Baby went sailing
To do her exploring

She walked to the forest
She flew to the hills
She sailed over the ocean
and sent her parents the bills

The forest was tall and dark
and full of bugs and bees
Bean Baby had trouble finding
the animals for the trees
(excellent spot to do lots of animals hiding behind trees)

Then soaring the skys
eating pears in her chair
she saw eagles and pelicans
and pigeons being ware

Trekking the hills was exhausting and long
but she did get to see where welsh mountain sheep belong
(sister don't like the welsh mountain sheep - i LOVE the welsh mountain sheep - sigh - feel free to substitute any hill/mountain animal you choose)

 She road the waves on a board for a lark
The Bean Baby had a close encounter with a shark

She slept on a boat
rocked to sleep by the sea
then traveled back home to her mum and daddy

Monday, November 7, 2011

Possibly true

my nephew tells me this morning his mum wakes him up with a cup of hot chocolate in bed - waves that enticing smell under his nose to gently rouse him to the day

so not gunna happen dude

Sunday, November 6, 2011


This is what I am going to be doing next week - w00t! 

(This is Myra - she is my sister's newest feline addition to her home)

Sunday morning

so i am playing mommy for my nieces and nephew this week
saw sister off to the plane this morning

eldest niece (who has been sick for past three months or so with mystery illness) has more tests to go through, one of which requires a 24 hour urine collection wednesday and thursday

i get to pour pee from an icecream container via funnel into another container that needs to be kept in the fridge

very happy that sister has a beer fridge
cause that's where the pee is going to get stored

poor cookie has to stop taking all her medications for the three days prior to the urine test, so she is not going to be a happy camper this week and i have my fingers crossed its not just going to degenerate into loud sobbing and screams from the sofa for the whole time

she will still be allowed to have some neurofin, but we have to write down date, time and how much

but she starts vomiting and stuff as well as being in severe pain, so that may get tricky

i put forth that when i was in the emergency room at the hospital for my gallbladder attack and they didn't want to give me any more morphine and i wasn't keeping down the panadine forte (or whatever it was) that they shoved it up my bum instead

funny, but she didn't seem keen on this - lol

Friday, November 4, 2011

do you know ... i thought i had been angry at work before, but i realise now, that it was bollocks, and i knew not what office rage was

i have been so angry this week, that actually i couldn't work

I couldn't even think straight
I pick up a file and then i couldn't find it again.

it is completely and utterly silly

so I have not sent off a dramatic and self indulgent email, such as i would like too

I have not sworn and cursed at anybody in the same room
I am not present for the next week for a good and forewarned reason
and I am just not coming back

though actually I am still inclined to send an email

i struggle
any protest on my account is going to be brushed off as the ravings of an emotionaly unstable person who drinks too much coffee.  I would like to think that they ie. other management/important type people that i have encounted - would take a grain of salt with that but there is no way I can be sure of that.

what i really want to know is ... how does one go about applying for work when one doesn't feel comfortable giving a contact number/referee for ones last place of employment?

I do not put it past them to give me a not very good reference.  They have sold themselves on the idea that they tell the hard truths. 

Though the hard truth is that they are weak, petty and vindictive against anybody who disagrees with them.  Maybe it screws with their ideas of self worth or something?  I don't know.  I do not read minds.  Though  I do have a tricky and strong gift for static electricity and that is startlingly painful when the contact point is mid-point of a thumb-nail.

She was trying to make a big deal of the other guy taking a day of, and implying he was lazy and takes days off to be inconvenient.  Not sure how my report of doctors appointment for seizing child will figure in her 'issues' with people who have children and how it interferes with their work.  Fuck but she is a bitch.   I don't even like using the work bitch.  Fuck, lets call it like it is and call her a bleached cunt, hey?

However, other than that my delightful eldest niece has introduced me to Trock.  Timelord Rock.  A couple of the songs have been rather awesome.  I know not if I can ever be satisfied with anything else.  Do you suppose if I wrote to Glenn Richards and Dan Kelly they would have a go at writing a timelord rock song?

THIS isn't the song i meant but is also good

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

so ...

so ...  i didn't want to work the weekend but circumstances and the bullyface lady from down south with her sudden unconsulted two week deadline conspired against me

and yet

i was called into the office today by the queensland manager - who is here three days this week - to be lectured, LECTURED!!!!, that they really don't want people working overtime on the weekend -
only if its really necessary - and this is the bit that cooked my goose -  particularly not if you are babysitting all week and than working overtime on the weekend ... that's just not on

is what i thought
what i am doing is tomorrow i am tidying my desk, collecting my stuff and going home ... never to darken the doorstep of their donger again

and good luck with that two week deadline

(though actually i found out today by asking the stakeholder that our lot were the ones to set the deadline in the first place)

if only the were a more painful oriface than the arse to tell them to shoooooove something sharp and jaggered up

never more have i wished i had the power to inflict boils upon others
may they get a nasty rash in the crack of their bums

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I confess ... it wasn't the cheese

work is making me cross again and i am waking at 1 am and such and brooding and not going back to sleep until 4 or 5 or not at all

but didn't you quit? you might ask
yes.  yes i did.  but then i came back as a casual, cause there just isn't anybody else to do my job until the new managers start which is still over a month away.
that is hardly your fault, you might say
well no.  but its not nice to start a job with a big mess that you don't know how to do let along fix.  it seems mean.
i am assuming you quit for a reason though, right?  didn't you feel they were mean to you?
well yes.  they keep setting this stupid impossible deadlines and ignoring or not believing me when i tell them stuff ... like the other day!  we told them we don't get the things weekly that we are supposed to get weekly and that woman said, well they said they do.
so she was calling you a liar?
but she didn't say the word liar, you see.  obviously if called on this point pitying looks and questions regarding how much coffee i'd had to drink so far that day would be made.
that sounds like a subtle form of bully to me
yes but she doesn't mean it like that.  she is just thoughtless and tactless with weak people skills.  lacking in emotional intelligence if one wants to use buzz words
how do you know whats in her head?
i am usually pretty good with people and think she is basically a nice person.  she is just sure she is right ... and obviously must think i have trouble tying my own shoe laces and going to the toilet or something even though they insist i am great and they would like me to stay

i don't want to brood, but i do rather want to tell them to stuff it up their jumpers and I can't stop my brain rehearsing things i might potentially say

Melbourne Cup day and there is a horse called "The Verminator" which is awesome, hey?  not rated though.  poor the verminator