Farewell 2019 Greetings 2020

Fare thee well year ...
With all your foolish virtual self harming thoughts
Punishing maybes
And
Possibilities

I hear the echos of fucks
That resound from blocks away
Both joyous
And
Not

A new year

A year that was not anything
A year that passed in a heart beat
A year in which the heart seemed to beat too much
Too fast
And sometimes not at all

It all evened out in the end
And counted for nothing

I am not sure the year counted at all
It cetainly didn't really feel like it happened

Some things are more 'more' than they were
But some are less?

Some closer to death
But i feel more distant

Mum had a stroke
Dad has Alzheimers
The house a street away sounds like a jolly domestic
Which is all very confusing

I think i feel more positive?
Determined
Less plastic

Mums is mostly herself
Just tires easily
Dad is sedated

Turning eleven of the clock
and only three or four houses are loud now
Happy louds
Wa heys and woos
Instead of ings

Its amazing how far an ing carries.

Further than embers

I am on the cooking channel
I am reading a childrens book
I am trying not to think about my life

It almost would be a relief to watch the bushfire news
(Which is a silly selfish thought)
(And both true and untrue at the same time)
(I am not so selfabsorbed as to trump tragedy)
(But selfabsorbed enough to fancy it for awhile)

Which makes me flash back to a scene from Grosse Point Blank
What an awesome film that was
... for a while ...

My new years resolution...
... apart from quitting alcohol,
Eating healthy,
Exercising and loosing weight) ...
Is to watch Grosse Point Blank on a regular basis
And attempt to learn the words off by heart!

I don't expect it to make me a more complete being

Probably I'd have to watch Lady Hawke for that, ay?

Edit:  you know it really drives me nuts when I can't work out what people are saying!  I refuse to put on dark clothing and crawl closer to their house just to hear. Why! Why did I not invest in one of them there cheap directional devices!  This happens every year.

Okay Fuckit!!!
That is my new NEW years resolution!
Directional fucking listening devices!

Fucking drives me nuts!

Ing ing ing ing ing

Edit edit:  and now all the neighbour hoood dogs are taking turns to bark.

And i can hear weird crashing fence noises
Close by ...
... but take reassurence in that they reported arresting the man in my neighbourhood this morning responsibe for a violent home invasion and crime spree, not really, argh!

Did i mention i missed most of 'Dinner for one'?
I love that show
I watch it every year
You should google it

Try and drink along with it, ha ha
Its a challenge!

They have been wooing periodically for hours
I just wish they sounded happier about it.

Twenty minutes to go.

Edit edit edit:  did i tell you already?  One of my first employers clients told my boss i sounded like a dead horse on the phone.  He called me into his office and made me practice sounding more cheerful.  He randomly called into the office over the next few weeks and after I'd answered the call would bark "SOUND MORE CHEERFUL".

This is what i want to tell the house a block away.

Twelve minutes too go

Edit efit editititditargh for heavens sake! Its still five mintes to go and they satarted the countdown to early and mucked it up counting down from ten to five.  Far ou brussel sprout.

Okay now they are wooing again.
They got the time right cause they can hear the fireworks going off in the distance...

... HAPPY NEW YEAR CUNTS     WOOO HOOO!!!!!!  ....

Stuff ...

My sisters bandages.

The irony of just having spent foolish amounts of money on a new hairdo prior to finding out it will all fall out, ha ha.

Champagne with fruit, w00t!

Ha! Details at last!

My beautiful sister has thoughtfully posted details, which is handy cause I keep forgetting them.

"high grade, triple-negative neuroendocrine carcinoma. A fine needle biopsy of a suspicious lymph node came back negative and I have had a CT Scan (chest, intestinal and pelvis) as well as a bone scan that have also come back clear. Oncologist is still suspicious (or getting kickbacks from the nuclear imaging unit) as I am booked for a PET scan and a brain CT after new year. Apparently it’s rather unusual for a neuroendocrine tumour to be primary breast cancer. Read a few medical case studies and the ones I’ve seen usually aren’t triple-negative. So special!
Started chemo on Thursday and for the next 12 weeks, Wednesday will be chemo day on the Carboplatin/paclitaxel protocal. If all things stay to plan after that I move to fortnightly doxorubicin/cyclophosphamide for 8 weeks. Apparently I’ll probably loose my hair with the first lot and ..."

Far out brussel sprout, ay?
She is going to nail them chemo beanies though.
She is heaps more systematic than me.
Probably even hydromatic.

Have a kitty by my side and chucked FeedMe outside for the short-term cause he sprayed my leg and I can't be having with that.

Have been super hungry since sister's news which is odd cause i am not a comfort eater. 
More of a comfort drinker.

It was 31 degrees inside at my bed under the ceiling fan when I came home, and has dipped to about 29, but that could be because it is next to the wine bottle.

I have tomorrow and xmas off work and will be bright eyed and bushie tailed for boxing day.

Merry Christmas peoples 🎅

Blinks

Well ... my sister had her appointment with the oncologist today.

He's decided to start her on chemo tomorrow, rather than the originally planned 27th or so.

She has downloaded a bunch of Star Trek episodes to watch whilst she is on the drip.

Eldest sister has ordered photos for the yearly family photo album for next year.

We are such a geekie family.

My silly sister ...

... has been diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of breast cancer.

Really, i should have been worried when nothing went wrong with my scooter.  Something bad always happens in December. I hate xmas.

Luckily, the found bits are primary rather than secondary (which was first thought), and it hasn't attached to the bone , so really best xmas present ever!

Suxs to be my sister though. Chemo, mastectomy and radiation therapy for the near future.

I was kean to attempt the plaster cast of her soon to be removed bits but she ain't interested, and her husbands suggestion of a photo shoot met similar distain, lol.

However, maybe I should go look for something extra to the socks I have bought everybody for xmas.

She is the linchpin of the siblings and we might all dissolve into our component parts without her.

She is a treasure.

Definately not a poem

Drunk as a skunk
i lurch and lumber towards
a bleary future to provide the answer
but there isn't one
or
at least
not one I am satisified with

so fuck it
I'll just bleach my hair

oh dear, that was a bad idea

Observation

I have a not-quite-a headache. 
a heat/heaviness/low-grade ache
kind of like period pain
in the muscles at the join of skull to spine
circling round under jaw
and base of tongue
almost like I am being gently choked

fingers to the back of the head
and thumbs either side of throat

If only I were into that whole erotic asphyxiation thing
I could be having a very good day