Farewell 2019 Greetings 2020

Fare thee well year ...
With all your foolish virtual self harming thoughts
Punishing maybes
And
Possibilities

I hear the echos of fucks
That resound from blocks away
Both joyous
And
Not

A new year

A year that was not anything
A year that passed in a heart beat
A year in which the heart seemed to beat too much
Too fast
And sometimes not at all

It all evened out in the end
And counted for nothing

I am not sure the year counted at all
It cetainly didn't really feel like it happened

Some things are more 'more' than they were
But some are less?

Some closer to death
But i feel more distant

Mum had a stroke
Dad has Alzheimers
The house a street away sounds like a jolly domestic
Which is all very confusing

I think i feel more positive?
Determined
Less plastic

Mums is mostly herself
Just tires easily
Dad is sedated

Turning eleven of the clock
and only three or four houses are loud now
Happy louds
Wa heys and woos
Instead of ings

Its amazing how far an ing carries.

Further than embers

I am on the cooking channel
I am reading a childrens book
I am trying not to think about my life

It almost would be a relief to watch the bushfire news
(Which is a silly selfish thought)
(And both true and untrue at the same time)
(I am not so selfabsorbed as to trump tragedy)
(But selfabsorbed enough to fancy it for awhile)

Which makes me flash back to a scene from Grosse Point Blank
What an awesome film that was
... for a while ...

My new years resolution...
... apart from quitting alcohol,
Eating healthy,
Exercising and loosing weight) ...
Is to watch Grosse Point Blank on a regular basis
And attempt to learn the words off by heart!

I don't expect it to make me a more complete being

Probably I'd have to watch Lady Hawke for that, ay?

Edit:  you know it really drives me nuts when I can't work out what people are saying!  I refuse to put on dark clothing and crawl closer to their house just to hear. Why! Why did I not invest in one of them there cheap directional devices!  This happens every year.

Okay Fuckit!!!
That is my new NEW years resolution!
Directional fucking listening devices!

Fucking drives me nuts!

Ing ing ing ing ing

Edit edit:  and now all the neighbour hoood dogs are taking turns to bark.

And i can hear weird crashing fence noises
Close by ...
... but take reassurence in that they reported arresting the man in my neighbourhood this morning responsibe for a violent home invasion and crime spree, not really, argh!

Did i mention i missed most of 'Dinner for one'?
I love that show
I watch it every year
You should google it

Try and drink along with it, ha ha
Its a challenge!

They have been wooing periodically for hours
I just wish they sounded happier about it.

Twenty minutes to go.

Edit edit edit:  did i tell you already?  One of my first employers clients told my boss i sounded like a dead horse on the phone.  He called me into his office and made me practice sounding more cheerful.  He randomly called into the office over the next few weeks and after I'd answered the call would bark "SOUND MORE CHEERFUL".

This is what i want to tell the house a block away.

Twelve minutes too go

Edit efit editititditargh for heavens sake! Its still five mintes to go and they satarted the countdown to early and mucked it up counting down from ten to five.  Far ou brussel sprout.

Okay now they are wooing again.
They got the time right cause they can hear the fireworks going off in the distance...

... HAPPY NEW YEAR CUNTS     WOOO HOOO!!!!!!  ....

How does one spell tarry? Tary? Tari?

Advance!
Tarry not amidst the discarded clutter and detritus
Cardboard mountains of consumed tv dinners and too many drinks
But go!  Go forth!
Battle overflowing litter trays stinking of piss.

Face the frequently forgotten and affeared
Tray hidden beneath the back stairs
All to oft' left long
And wilfully misremembered when done so.

Oh, if only I could discourse a river such as Hercules
To wash before me this feline faeces

Be brave little cat mother!
(Not so little in form,
But little in resolve)

Suck deep of breathe and hold
And triumphant undefeated, discard
Behold litter all clean and new
To be promptly christened with urine and poo.


Ive been watching a midsummers nights dream on dvd. Helen mirren as Queeb Titannia.

Restless

Delight me with poetry
Tickle my fancy with some words
Sing of glory
Wail of death
Fling yourself into revels and reels and jigs and japes
Jumble your limbs in fury and furious gestures and exclamations of the unsayable
Paint me something glorious
Write me a song
I yearn

All bundled and blanketed in bed
with jittery legs
invisible twitching
Empty grasping hands
Thwarted muscles that want to run
With long darkness of hair that I don't possess
streaming in comet wake behind
Across twilight fields of flower studded grass
Whipping legs exposed by raised skirts clutched in fists

stretch strides
Ground eating
Flying
Skimming
Soaring
twirling and spinning
Skirts wrapping around and spreading and bursting burning into fiery colour

Red sky at night
Sailors delight

At least someones happy.

I rather fancy that ...

... a patient's tatoo.

The word freedom with the top part of the m flying away like a bird.

Probably not a poem, but kind of like one.

Impromptu

And thus, i did declare,
but what i shall not say,
And so the day progressed,
And nowhere can a man drink in peace

The first three lines sprang fully formed into my brain like Athena, and i had no forth line, so i decided the first thing i heard on telly would be it.

Its almost worth making a series of ... but not by me cause i am too lazy and inconsistent and a flibbertigibbert.

Yawn

wistful
oh to sleep
perchance to rest
body clock up the creek
remaining unfixed female feline on heat
moaning periodically throughout the night
woooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Wassail

Let us drink to absent friends that we've never had
Indeed, I hold to my friends so lightly it is as if they were not there anyway
so perhaps let us drink to all people
and contemplate our place in the world
and then perhaps weep a little
because we can
and because we are drunk
because there are a lot of people in the world
and therefore a lot to toast

and perhaps at the end we will be friends
swear to each other faith and loyality
forsworn and forgotten once the fumes have cleared
and the night nothing but a headache and a blank ill remembered spot in our memory
and in the cold light we might say
out out damned spot
I can't believe I drank so much
I hope I didn't do anything embarrassing
where did that tattoo come from?

Wednesday

i sit still
while without the wind moves
a chicken plucks a cherry tomato
and clucking removes now in search of bugs

breathe
summers moist air
like a caress to the throat
with eyes closed against glare
a cricket's song ends abruptly

bok bok bok
i chase chicken away from cat food

Stuff I wrote at work

Nothing
my brain screams
stretching the word out to breaking
but quietly
and to itself
instead of shooting off its mouth
and disturbing others who might be less than understanding
at my inability to function without something to distract me
and why is it that when I have to the time to do something right
I will nearly always do it wrong?

***
raindrops keep falling on my head
and running through my brain
but only that one line
over and over again
and maybe i should sing the song that has no end
attack being the best way to defend
but that would just result in my attacking myself with something worse than I already am
farout, this is doing my head in

***
um ... a single rhyme to while the time
that is passing so slowly
but so
I find I'm lacking a rhyme
to torture and tease into some kind of line
leaving me in a bit of a bind
and bereft
loose
dangling in the wind
like unconfined genitalia
and the afternoon continues slowly

Ode to Boredom

An empty shell
A vision of nothing
Sitting solitary at desk contemplating the day sucking
Upon reflection
I almost wish I had a yeast infection
It would at least be a distraction

and do you think I can get that song 'let me entertain you" out of my head? No.
pfft

It was the Moon wot did it!

What are you? I muse to the moon
wallowing fat and orange like a round of chedder above the horizon

Surely you are more than just a rock or a light
so oft' amorphorlised (sp?) by mortals
striking so significant a chord to naked eye

I would feel cheated if you did not hold power over blood as well as tide

Argh

a maulstorm of ideas tumbling through head
from watching documentaries on abc and music
and i delighted in the speech by Bruce Milne
so boggled and worried and relieved, things didn't turn out as he thought would be
and I am unburdened
and fancy free
and don't know what to do with
my free-dom
should i write a sign friend
and what should i say?
in this time and age and day?
what is meaningful
what the fuck
in this time of ending
age old habits and descent and bark
saber rattling protestations of need
whats the point of praying on knee
is there a god to answer and even should he
regardless of would he
what is the point?
what is myself that I can decide these things for my non-existant children?

Didn't get out of bed till past 11:30 am

the wet season has come
gushing
last night
full flood all through the yard and down the street
so loud I could not sleep
bang bang bang
hammering away on the tin roof
so i slept late
and wake
limp and exhausted

sigh

if only i were talking about something other than the weather

Oh my poor aching bones

I am moving boxes of pamphlets and books on bowels
Where is my knight in armour to take me away from all this?
Bastard is off in a pub getting pissed, isn’t he
ISN"T HE!

Fucker.