Friday, December 30, 2016

A new year ...

I am feeling unreasonably sad.

Can only put it down to the stress of so much family time.
I am used to a lot more alone time than I am getting.

Bad thoughts tend to drift through my mind when I am scootering at the best of times, but have been crying by the time I've reached work every day this week.

Probably a good thing it was a short week for me, hey?

Was nearly starting to feel human again with the new medication and forced healthy living (not supposed to drink on methotrexate) but my willpower has erroded over the month in the face of daily offers of drinks, even though I  asked them not to.  I can only say no so many times, before it changes to 'just the one', to 'Hell YES! Liqour me up'.  Do you think they'll  stop offering me drinks when i turn yellow with liver/kidney failure? No it would be my fault for not saying no.

It will be very good when the parent goes and I only see my family for an hour or so or less once a week, sigh.

Good news is there is a definate date now.
8 January.

Concerned 2017 is going to be as 'not good' as 2016 and 2015.
What if mother going home is the highlight of the year?

I vow to do/have/experience something better than just the absence of my mother this year!

I will plant at least one garden bed- if it ever rains and takes us off level 3 (soon to be level 4) water restrictions, damnit.

I will look for a new job!

I will tidy up and organise my home so that it is actually comfortable and not just spend all my spare time in bed feeling a bit crap.

Of course, if I win lotto this week it would make all this a great deal easier and I wouldn't  have to look for work at all, which would be very nice, at least for a while.

Cheers *clinks wine glass*

Edit: taint all doom and gloom. Beat my stepfather at backgammon four times in a row today with some crazy multiple throws of doubles. Five in a row!


  1. I hear you on needing space from the family. Sometimes a galaxy would be nearly enough.
    Good luck for this year. Hopefully a year when you don't rock the yellow look.

  2. My 95 year old neighbour just gave me a spade, a rake and a repaired wheelbarrow. It is a sign! And possibly what i will be doinf tomorrow :)