Come on let it rain. Let it rain down on me ...

Beautiful Blossom poised on Terry Pratchett book Wintersmith.
Main character near frozen to death in drifts of snow whilst i swelter in over 30 degree heat under ceiling fan on highest setting.  Not so bad that i have had to yet take the emergency bag of ice out of the freezer.

A new year ...

I am feeling unreasonably sad.

Can only put it down to the stress of so much family time.
I am used to a lot more alone time than I am getting.

Bad thoughts tend to drift through my mind when I am scootering at the best of times, but have been crying by the time I've reached work every day this week.

Probably a good thing it was a short week for me, hey?

Was nearly starting to feel human again with the new medication and forced healthy living (not supposed to drink on methotrexate) but my willpower has erroded over the month in the face of daily offers of drinks, even though I  asked them not to.  I can only say no so many times, before it changes to 'just the one', to 'Hell YES! Liqour me up'.  Do you think they'll  stop offering me drinks when i turn yellow with liver/kidney failure? No it would be my fault for not saying no.

It will be very good when the parent goes and I only see my family for an hour or so or less once a week, sigh.

Good news is there is a definate date now.
8 January.

Concerned 2017 is going to be as 'not good' as 2016 and 2015.
What if mother going home is the highlight of the year?

No.
I vow to do/have/experience something better than just the absence of my mother this year!

I will plant at least one garden bed- if it ever rains and takes us off level 3 (soon to be level 4) water restrictions, damnit.

I will look for a new job!

I will tidy up and organise my home so that it is actually comfortable and not just spend all my spare time in bed feeling a bit crap.

Of course, if I win lotto this week it would make all this a great deal easier and I wouldn't  have to look for work at all, which would be very nice, at least for a while.

Cheers *clinks wine glass*


Edit: taint all doom and gloom. Beat my stepfather at backgammon four times in a row today with some crazy multiple throws of doubles. Five in a row!

Breakfast adventures ...

The first Xmas controversy has occurred.

Met mother for breakfast at cafe.

I never go to anywhere I like with her because she is invariably rude unless she has found the place herself and is showing it to us.

The owner of the place I used to go to in Cleveland once came out to ask me to speak to my mother about her behaviour to the waitresses.  she'd made them cry last time she was there when there was a mistake on her order.

She was in one of her moods and being disparaging of her grand children.

Cafe said couldn't swap spinach for tomato as garnish. Would have to buy as side.

Step father forgot to get senior discount at time and they said couldn't do after fact.

Mother couldn't let go being denied her garnish of choice and was loudly declaring would complain to franchise.

Mother than decided her coffee was served cold.

Mother then was rude to waitress bring food.

Loudly complained she had not been given gluten free bread and declared "that's disgusting! Disgusting!" And to take it away.

I haven't had much sleep and don't cope with her behaviour in cafes at best of times.   So I left.

Have retreated home, like the coward I am, but stopped and gave my sister the headsup first.

The thing is ... The complaints were fair enough. There is no reason they shouldn't be able to swap some spinach for a tomato, and I think they should have given the senior discount afterwards.

I wonder if she decided to leave and made a scene demanding her money back?
I wonder if she ended up being asked to leave?
They are both possibilities.
Or it may have just fizzled out into weeping.

It's too early to start drinking isn't it?

Cold in Nth Qld?

It is 4 am, 26 degrees, 77% humidity and I am cold and shivering.

Came on suddenly at about 7 o'clock.

I had a second Glass of wine that did not agree with my medication, but I can't see how that would leave me shivering all night. I thought I was over my cold, but ... Argh.  This feels so weird.

My cats have been lovely and snuggly and Blossom has been keeping my hip warm for me.

Cats are Kool.

Stressed ...

The frogs are trying to kill themselves again.
Have rescued teenage amphibians two nights in a row.

Was the Scream I heard a moment before that of the frog I fished from the toilet not ten minutes ago?

Nearly a nasty accident there.
I was in a terrible rush at the time and had to purse my cheeks savagely and flail about for something to catch it with. It was an Olympian of frogs.
Lept about all over the place.
Fending cats off with one hand.
Trying to get the frog to jump into a bag.
Welding my knees together and chanting "I am the Master of my own sphincter" to myself.

D'oh ...

... was doing okay today until just after lunch when my brain suddenly fused and I came over all tired.

Left work at three.

In my head I indicated left to pullout and put the car into drive. In reality, I indicated right (back to the kerb) and put the car into reverse.

Luckily the hand break was still on.

W00t!

Scooter not going to be as expensive as expected, yay!
Can be fixed before mother gets here, yay!
Crazy making medication from last week appears to be wearing off. Have only burst into tears once today, yay!

Started methotrexate Monday afternoon. They mention 'methotrexate fog' day after. Only thing I noticed was stuck working how to spell found for a minute or so yesterday. Knew it started with a 'fff' sound, but couldn't work out what letter that was. Knew it wasn't an s, but it just wouldn't come.
And I wrote 'mend' instead of 'send'.

So far still having trouble concentrating if interrupted and complex decisions, but think that is improving. And that could be a consequence of so many things going wrong in such a short space of time.

Hard to sort out what is because of arthritis flare, medication side effects and life stress.

Plus I am always mental before a rental inspection and mothers imminent arrival.

Six stressful things in a short space would cause anyone to wobble.