Oh Vincent *sigh*

oh Vincent Pereze, so very beautiful.

I cannot help but look at this picture and sigh ... and wish ... i looked more like the woman playing Margot.

Aye Currumba - what beautiful skin she has.
I would so turn gay for her.

Draft Unnamed - interrupted at work

my mind is full of 'i wantz' today
sub-consciously screaming
selfish and demanding
iwantz iwantz iwantZ!

i swallow them down
these tantrum like urges
i swallow them down and they boil and coil
they roll in my belly like worms, like snakes
they roll in my belly until I could hurl
and shake
and scream
they roll and they worm their way into me
my blood stream
my dark dreams

to be continued - gotta do some work now :)

edit 5:57 pm: oh mannnn - i am darned if i can feel where i was going with this now - i've completely lost the groove. oh well, i guess i'll just have to come back to this one.

Monday Morning

the ladies have tentively, gently asked me how my weekend went
as if affeared to bring up sensitive subject
have assured them that - yes
my lovelife is still a toilet
no - there was no sex
with anybody
not even myself
shall have to think of something funny to tell them
to lighten the mood

i shall tell them of the porche and the football fan
they amused the heck out of me at the time

stella is encouraging me to go out and find a warm willing body locally, though i assured her i quite prefer being alone most of the time, she says, sure its nice when you are young, but when you get old its nice to have somebody to sit on the porch with - i should have said that's what cats are for, but i am feeling all quiet and melancoly inside today - i think i shall wallow in it for a little longer

Melbourne Trip

walking towards Albert Street from hotel to friends place
man passing on other side of street said
"How can you sleep at night"
positively dripping with disgust
apparently was wearing colours of a football team playing that day
was on winning side :P

saw melon pink porche zip past with licence plate "cayman"

left my ticket to gig at hotel
luckily friend had a spare

somebody threw underwear at the band
large mens underwear
bass player put on over trousers and wore for encore

am at airport three hours early for return flight

Broken Record

have I mentioned I hate travelling? i have jittery, ants crawling under my skin feeling from my finger tips, up my arms, along the muscles that run from shoulders to neck (whatever they are called) and up to my ear lobes. inside my ear channels itch (though actually they always itch because i have psoriasis inside my ears) but anyway. have I mentioned I don't like travelling?

farking shoot me already
i am such a neurotic chicken weiner nancy dog girl

Edit 3:47pm: Holy Mother of God! 12 degrees and raining by 6 pm? I am going to die.
I don't even own a raincoat :(
Bloody hell

G'Morning

the kitten burrowed under the blankets and stetched out against my leg for most of the night. nice to know my dough-like flabby thighs are good for something, even if it is just as a substitute hot water bottle for a kitten. she woke early and playful and savaged my big toe sometime before dawn and has since ripped down a set of curtains in swift intransient from one room t'other

had to hastily wrap sheet round naked body and dash out into the yard to see off the ginger cat from down the road who was menancing my sissy-Michael cat in the yard of the deserted house next door

:D nice to have things back to normal :D

Busy Bee

had fun today - got my face painted :)

it was the physical activities event at the park
part of veterans' health week

early start marking out stall-spaces with flour
and unloading cars
and directing people
and helping put up tent/marquees
and setting up stalls
and giving out water and fruit
and taking lots and lots and lots of photos for work

i shouldn't really be lugging heavy boxes about
cause of the arthritis in my neck and back
(amongst other places - lol)
it triggers a nasty sick headache
that only rest cures
thankfully we were given the rest of the day off
and i have slept myself well again

Stuff

My uncle sidney was excited about a book he'd read about in the paper, but than had misplaced the article. Something about the Dutch armarda, that nobody ever knew about. So I have googled it for him and it is:

Going Dutch: How England Plundered Holland's Glory is published by Penguin.
Lisa Jardine, professor of Renaissance studies at London University

I got to tell him I found it tonight. He is stoked. He said he watched the Tony Robinson thing last night and managed not to say anything at all today with the old men that he meets up with on the Strand at Wynnum every morning. None of them are interested in history.

He was telling me of one of the other old men - Gordon - had been out for his morning ride and this young slip of a thing passed him ... whilst running. So he caught up with her and passed her and then arrived at his destination and leaned against a pole and had to get friends to help him off his bike, whilst outside the little slip of a girl continued past. Two kilometres. It took hiim two kilometres to catch up and pass her. Uncle Sid figures she must have been a serious athelete. Marathon runner or something. Poor Gordon is still being teased. Uncle Sidney is planning on telling his family. I can just see it now. Grandchildren telling their granddad to hop on his bike and they'll race him round the block - hahahahahahahahah

lol - afternoon office discussions in female office

my trip came up as a subject and i was muttering about my luck being crap and planes probably going to fall out of sky etc and that no, i cannot have sweaty monkey sex (people are always urging me to have monkey sex - am i so uptight? i thought i was rather pleasant to be around) whilst i am away because i have my period and the older lady just back from time off due to surgery (she looks like a gruff dour grandmother) rather unexpectedly piped up with soemthing along the lines of 'that doesn't stop you' and i said, wouldn't it just make the cramps worse? she said that it doesn't make any difference and i said i didn't want to mess up the hotel room, one would have to frolic in the bathroom and she said 'no - the cleaners get there the next morning to change the shirts and would just think there'd been a virgin in the room the night before'



well it seemed very funny at the time anyway

Unsettling Dreams

sleep tackled me to the bed
and messed with my head

first dream
emotion regression back fifteen years
choking with suppressed rage
nearly at end of some kind of course of study
using a notebook with black pages
nagging sisters
and i throw it all in
days before completion
and move house without telling anybody
new address or number
and am attempting to live in same town
without running into anybody i know

very odd

not something i've ever done
though just before i moved out of home
it was something i thought about

second dream
i had a baby
for some reason my hospital bed
was just curtained off cubicle in a waiting lounge
some of the fathers family were waiting there for somebody else
watching television
i had broken up with the brother
they thought i had been cheating on him
and that the baby belonged to somebody else
the baby was small
maybe a little premmy
she had hair
i felt as loving to her as i do to a kitten
i was naming her 'grace'
and was considering 'faith' as a middle name
but was thinking that 'grace faith' didn't go so good together
rest of dream was like stuck record
thinking about the name
grace faith?
grace charity?
grace prudence?
and how mean it would be to call her 'chasity'

terribly jerry springer really
when one thinks about it
but at least the baby wasn't murdered in this one, eh?

Unsettled Conditions

unrestful sleep last night
late to bed
slept a claytons kind of sleep

woke 2 or 3 am
read book till daybreak
most unsatisfactory

i am stressing already about trip perhaps?
and the fleas
and the spiders so attracted to my shower
and the bees suiciding on the fluros

there was a fly in my beer tonight
i didn't swallow the fly
i know why
felt it on my lip and thought 'what is that?'
then nearly vomited
eugh

What?

i could have sworn i wrote and posted something
about half an hour ago
but now it is not here

spooky

not that it was interesting or anything

d'oh
i should have lied
i should have said it was awesome
you'd have all believe me, wouldn't you?

Aye Currumba

ohgod!
smacks self in face
over forty people read that!
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
gggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i was a little drunk peoples
terribly sorry for my lapse up my own arse with the last post

i go now to cut the holes in the paper bag i shall now be wearing like Sylvester the Cats nephew

Give and Take

i love selfish people
because I can guarantee they will always tell me what they want

the selfish personality
asssuages its conscious
when in disagreement
with the selfbelieve that it is honest and upfront
calls a spade a spade

i have never believed this guff
of couples deciding on mutual decisions
without one party compromising

somebody always has to compromise

and i think it is a beautiful thing
to swallow your wishes
for somebody else

but you can't do it all the time
there should be balance
turns

It is not about saying you are not sorry
for sticking by your belief/ves'
you are sorry
for having conflict with someone you value
there is no shame in saying
i am sorry
it doesn't mean you a wrong
it just means
that interaction is more important
than having the other person give in to you
if you love somebody
should you not also love that they are enough of their own person to disagree with you?

p.S. i will probably delete this when i am sober :)

Stoked

How awesome is this little story :)

Monday Morning

have just been yelled at by a less than stable client
in response to receipt
of flyer to event in park

i wonder how many more i will get?
i wonder if any of them will visit in person to fling torn up pieces in my face?

working reception can be exciting

hopefully the invite to a day at a park will only incite verbal abuse
though we are promoting physical activity

Sunday

my eyes are sore and tired
as is some of the rest of me
but i don't feel like i could sleep
sigh
i am worrying about silly things

did i tell you i fell out of my hammock yesterday?

i was just trying to move my arse a little to the left
balance things out a little more evenly and
splat

my first time falling from a hammock

i only spilled my drink a little
though i did lose my place in the book

and you?

watching pirated time team
togas with feathered hats
red wine in a tea cup
sans pants

what are you doing with your saturday night?

Feel like going back to bed

rest lily
tomorrow will come without your worry
your pissing and moaning doesn't make the sun rise
so rest lily
rest your eyes
just for a minute

shush lily
be still
feel this night so balmy and beautiful
redolent with the scent of rain under a star filled sky
shush lilly
close your eyes
just for a minute

sleep lily
dream of lazy days drenched in sunbeams
summer memories of french cricket, picnics and flys
sleep lily
rest your eyes
rest your eyes

Eat shoot and drink

i have been out eating drinking and playing pool
showed my usual flare for the occasional impressive fluke
followed by misses
and inability to shoot straight

at least i wasn't the queen of the white ball tonight

one of the other ladies
when messing about after losing
managed to pot the white ball three times in a row
and then jump it off the table and hit her team leader

Grrr

Feeling a little irritated with permanently injured blokes talking about considering possibility of doing office work instead, but bitching sneering that the offices are filled with women (or is it that they are run by women?).

Feel it is particularly disrespectful when they are saying this to women and seem to be seeking some kind of sympathy.

Pardon me, perhaps I should say next time, I must go pop on my frilly apron and fetch you a beer you poor stressed baby you?

Evil Overlord Plan

I should have an evil overlord plan, shouldn't I?

Okay.
When I win lotto, I shall buy a small town and rule it through violence and intimidation, but there will be no petty crime and the townsfolk will think it a fair exchange and worship me like a god.

And everybody will be forced to feed their cats in kitchen as god (me) intended.

Laurell K Hamilton

corrupting coworkers with erotic, bloody books
attempt to grill for spoillers yesterday afternoon foiled
stewing in her own juices
as it were
ha!

Home

blank walls, cream
lace curtains
books
and more books
colourful and sensational
lending weight to the corners
not an neat empty characterless room
fit for hotels and visitors
pull up a cushion
the washing up can wait till tomorrow

Blah blah blah blah blah

my landlord has requested i feed my cats outside
he thinks it smells bad

i feel all cross and feather-ruffled

i hate this
i hate having strangers poking about in my stuff
making me feel like a visitor in my own home

i have to change the way i think
it isn't my home
it is a rental

i think i need to sort through my stuff and get rid of all the homey things
i think i need to stick with just necessities
be more like my dad

he said when he was young he could fit all his belongings into two suitcases
i have five or six hundreds books alone
i used to have over a thousand but i had a clean out last year during my last attempt to be practical when the neighbour said the landlord had been considering selling up and i was thinking about moving back to sydney or brisbane

i was a horrible thing to think about
because it would necessitate a large proportion of my cats being put to sleep

en bah - i am a dramatic soul
one little request and i get all depressed

i bet he drops back unexpectedly on the weekend or next week
to see if i am doing what he requested or not

sigh

i wish i had a house in the country with no neighbours
like wot i grew up in
but without the snakes

The Librarians

i love the librirans

though it would be better for my piece of mind if it were not cutting to shots of frances' husband beating off to a lingerie catalogue every three seconds

particularly after the projectivists awesome photographs on her blog today

aye currumba

o-oooo
frances is getting drunk
there is either going to be sex
or she is going to cut her husbands' pony....
...tail off
oh my goodness!

Robyn Butler - a goddess of comedy

Edit: (okay fine - it should read 'peace of mind' but i maintain 'piece of mind' is just as accurate lol)

How Cool

client was just in office
had all his upper teeth pulled out a few days ago
they put the dentures in straight away
i had no idea
he said it helps stop the bleeding
and the gums start to conform to the shape of the dentures

i haven't had somebody pull their teeth out to show me since I was a little kid and we used to beg our grandma to slip her teeth out for us :)

G'morning

microwaved packet pasta alfredo for breakfast
smelt rancid in its deconstructed state
nuc'ing magically made it as bland and tastless as all the other flavours in the range

i was grateful

ARGH

i am bored out of my small everloving mind

Edit 16.33: people waiting i couldn't help, whilst interviewing officers already had people with them and a half hour appointment stretches out to one hour forty minutes and i had things to do out the back, but couldn't leave the front desk where that poor man had already been waiting for over an hour to see somebody, particularly since there was nobody else to answer the phones and when i did answer the phones I could only take messages cause i can only help with low level things and finance stuff and issues with respite care need to go to somebody else who isn't available to take the call and nobody was around on the net to talk to and i couldn't think of anything to write and I JUST WANTED TO SCREAM and typing stuff out doesn't work unless i can hit the publish button - i am hopeless because only the act of releasing the words out into a public space, regardless of the fact that nobody may read them, so really it is just the same as typing something in word and saving it, or not, or even printing it out and shredding it, so i don't see WHY it makes a difference but it just does, seems to serves as a satisfying way to vent without physical demonstration of aggravation and i was trying so hard to stop blogging for a while cause it is silly to be so enslaved to a particular means of releasing frustration and i am a grown person and should be able to do something else instead of blogging which is probably a pointless endeavour anyway, at least in my case, as i am not blogging with an aim or a cause or an ambition and i did so want to be more still and not need outside objects/machines/things, kind of like in Monkey when they say all the world is an illusion etc etc etc *breathe* have you seen the Monty Python sketch about the Travel Agent? It was on Live at the Hollywood Bowl DVD.